Fireworks.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

I'm yawning, but I ain't sleepy. I've been watching random fashion shows online. Its -1 degrees here. I'm glad. I don't like it if winters don't get too wintery.
My dad got my old phone fixed. My Nokia 6131. It was my first phone. The first phone I bought for myself. And i still love it. I loooooooooove it. Its my baby.
Now that I've seen so many runway shows. I feel like buying some new clothes. Some awesome new clothes. But its 2:25 am so. Whatev.
N just came online. We talked for three hours last night. Fun. Haha.
Let me turn on some songs.
Ok done.

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

Queen has the kind of songs that I'd like to listen to when I'm high. Like actually High. I'd like to have those songs in the background. But I don't know how it feels like, being high. I'd like to get high sometime. Fun.
I feel like doing SO many new things. But I'm stuck in this stupid static life where weird irrelevant things are more important. Why can't we all be stupid and reckless and mess our lives up? :D That'd be fun. *Sigh*

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh oh oh
As you shoot across the sky yy yy

I feel like going out every night. Kia stupid baat hai. But I want it. Can't help it.
N talked about Pringles last night. So i started craving for them. Then I asked dad to bring some for me. And he did. Yuuuuuuuuum.
I make coffee everyday. For myself or s1 or dad. I mean. I'm tired of making coffee all the time. I don't mind making it for dad though. He's cute, so he's forgiven.
There's some uncertainty in my plans these days. I'm hating it. I just want things to be stable and still so that I can move on with my life. Argh. But I don't know how things are going to work out.

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know.

p.s. I CANNOT believe I quoted Katy Perry. I hate her. But this song's stuck on my mind. .___. I can't stop listening to it tonight.

Queen more.

Why haven't i heard more Queen songs? They're great!
I talked to N for an hour on phone. We laughed so hard. My eyes teared up. Fun.

WEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIENDS,
AND WEEEE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END!

Ima sleep now.
Its late.
More later.

Recommend me more great songs.

Piano press.

I like Shia Lebeouff. Whats the spelling? Let me google it. Oh. It has a single f. Shia LeBeouf.
I went to the bazaar with mom today. To buy clothes and shit. I bought this pretty Black and white comforter, but mom thinks its way too thin for these winters so she's going to return it tomorrow. =[ I don't want her to. Lets see.
Last night was weird. It was attacking me. I had this REALLY bad headache. And i couldn't sleep, and I was cold and warm at the same time. And bas. OmG. And my body was tired and ache-y. So i turned on my cellphone's Online Radio, and searched 'Piano'. And there was this channel, called.. okay i forgot what it was called. But it was all about piano instrumentals. So i just put that on. And i went to sleep while listening to it. Yay Piano.
When things get too cute, it makes me sad.
I hate Pitbull. Its like pollution. If a song is a Clear fresh morning, then Pitbull in it, is like smoke and trucks honking. It makes my ears bleed.
iExaggerate.
Okay.
At times Im so awesome, its unbelievable.
And no, Barney stinson ain't awesome. He lies.
Im a Barney hater.
Heh.
Im watching WallStreet right now. Money never sleeps. Its fun. But I don't really get the whole Money lingo. Stocks and leverage and whatnot. =[ Never have. Never will.
I love my blog you see.
I wonder when i'll finally get the guts to change the template. =[
Grr. Okay. Bubye.

My post titles are getting randomer by the day.

Multicoloured sweater.

Eventful day today. Not really. Well. I got woken up at 2 pm. I went down. S1 and S2 were having Garlic bread and mashed potatoes. I joined in. Ate. Ran around the house until s2 finally left for Lahore. Slept. Slept. Woke up. Took a shower. Made green tea. Went to the terrace. Walked for over an hour, with music. Felt energized. Came downstairs. Made coffee for dad and s1. Came upstairs. Started making s1's practical copy that she can't make herself because she's busy in her proffs. Watched Se7en, the movie. Loved it. Watched another movie on tv. With Meg Ryan and some French guy. Still making the practical copy. Watching the trailer of 'The tourist' for the billionth time on Tv. They just won't stop playing it. Ive read it's reviews online by the way. They all say its shit. So sad. Poor Johnny boy. =[ .
My back's tired. Of sitting constantly. Im hungry again. I want cheese. A special kind of cheese. I don't know what kind though. Its just in my imagination. Lol. Now im going to watch Legally Blonde. Because thats whats on tv right now. Elle Woods is so pink. Takes special kind of hardwork to stay that pink.
I need to go abroad. Really, I do. Why does it have to be so expensive? It confuses me. Its unfair to me. Okay i'm hungry. There's nothing to eat.
Grr..
My handwriting is nice. Its true.
MAKE ME SOME FOOD, YOU!

Create a post. Ahan.

This stupid Create a Post window is open since so long. My minds buzzing with a billion things, thoughts, things, right now. But I can't seem to write. Why's that? Tell me. You moron.
I don't call people morons. I don't know why I just said that.
Theres something very pleasant and amazing about fireplaces, and good conversation. I want a fireplace. The one with logs and everything.
I tried on, like, seven nail polishes last night. All s1's. None looked good. Except for the nice blood red-ish one. That was better. I've realized that I really love some shades of red. I like the Rusty dark red. I like the weird bloody dark red. I also like the nice not so dark, warm red. The colour of my red scarf. Its amazing.
I like words. I'd like to know all the words there are.
Why do people think its cool to drink really strong coffee? Black coffee and the sort? I mean, why? How does that make you cooler?
Yesterday the lights went out for 15 minutes. Random. When they went out, i thought there was going to be a bomb blast. Because it has happened before, twice. Lights go out, and BANG! And then silence. Its scary.
I'm not easily surprised.
Okay, so tell me. Whats wrong with people? Why do they have to believe everything other people tell them? Or what media tells them? Or what someone-who-heard-something-from-someone-else tells them? Why don't they think about anything? Or doubt anything? Or google anything? Haha. Google. But no, seriously. WHY DON'T THEY?
I don't believe things easily. One shouldn't. A little skepticism doesn't hurt anyone.
s1 has this weird Firefox Persona and its animated. I hate it. I've changed it twice but she changes it back again. Grr.
I don't like associating myself with things that the whole world is talking about. Fame ruins everything. Most of the time. When something gets famous, everybody starts talking about it. Half of them don't even know why. They just want in on all the hype. So i start hating it. It just ruins it for me. -.-
I love food. I mean. I need a friend. Who loves to cook. And who'd keep making the YUMMIEST dishes for me. And i'd eat em all. =[ I really need that friend.
I need to do SO many things. I need to enjoy more.
Okay bye. Enough talking for tooday. Not reallly.

iLike.

I like coming back from get togethers with my friends.
I like my friends.
I like it when my pictures have a reddish orangish sepia-ish tinge.
I like new songs that I listen to, over and over again. And again.
I like typing on other people's cellphones.
I like when the background music matches whats going on at the moment. In my life.
I like typing on laptops.
I like wearing extra long sleeves so that i can only see the tips of my fingers.
I like staying in bed in the morning, with my face cold and everything else warm inside the blanket.
I like chewy candies.
I like the chewy white thing in Toblerone.
I like fighting with my friends for food.
I like not laughing when i don't find a joke funny.
I like it when my dad buys me chocolates or little things like that.
I like eating dry fruits with mom.
I like ruining s1's neat notes, by doodling all over the page.
I like telling s2 that I hate her handwriting.
I like confusing people.
I like changing my cellphone's theme.
I like making my fish face.
I like holding Teetee.
I like money.
I like typing on cellphones just after i've cut my nails.
I like how balloons smell.
I like looking forward to dessert after food.
I like spreading my saintness.
I like relating to little moments in movies.
I like how music can change how i feel. Instantly.
I like it when people Like my comments on facebook.
I like the snooze button.
I like many other things. Why don't i write about them later?
Bye.

Tently heaven.

Im on the terrace. Im in a tent. My tent. Im in it. Its like my own little heaven. Its freezingly cold. My hands are numb. I have songs. I just had coffee. I have a novel to read, and an emergency light, for the lighting. And a light si quilt. OmG. Im in heaven.

I can't believe I finally own a tent. It was always one of my bizzare wishes.

Life is pretty right now. And I love everything. Because its beautiful.

The power is yours!

I am dumb. In many ways. No matter what I do.
But I'm not that dumb yknow.
So anyway.

"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them." - Johnny Depp.

How awesome.

I have a flu attack everytime I wake up. Im allergic to waking up I think. =]

I haven't been enjoying winters the way I used to. I don't know why though. Its different this time. Im lazy this time. But I'm enjoying that too.

Everyones putting up cartoon picture's as their display picture on Facebook. I put up Captain Planet =D .

Acha bas. bye.

Burn throat.

Hi. I went to lahore yesterday. Came back today. Haha. Went with dad to drop off s2. We had fun.
My throat is messed up all of a sudden. I had hot milk with honey first. And now i'm having tea. Nothing's hot enough for me throat. I want to burn my throat. Without burning my tongue. That should give me some relief.
I need a new novel. I really need a looong, thick, old, never ending novel. I need to buy one. Okay i'll buy one. Soon.
Im sad. Because I'm leaving home soon. I refuse to think about it. Because it makes me sad. But i'm sad. Its a constant feeling in my head. That just stays there. Even when i'm happy. Its evil.
I'm missing me and s2's Greek Marathon =[ .
Want cake?

iTalk.

When i see someone make a lame joke, or say something really cheap and then laugh at it, I want to be able to say to their face 'ew, that was so cheap!'. But I can't. And that's sad. Sigh.
Im obsessed with that song by Eminem, called Beautiful. Of all the people, yes its Eminem's song that i've become obsessed with.. I don't know.
I want to have fun. I want to be busy. I want to run, or work, or play a sport, or just do something very tiring. Physically tiring, not mentally tiring. I really want to. =[ But there's nothing. Not at 1 am in the morning atleast.
A friend's dad is going to Tanzania. =O . I asked her to ask him to bring me a teeny souvenir. LOL =o . And she said yeah sure. Oooo. Fun no? I know.
I hate fighting. So lame.
No one talks proper anymore. I'd like to be able to talk good stuff with people yknow. Have a good conversation. A solid one. Not about lame everyday stuff, but about random little important stuff. People tend to lie alot. You never know what they're really thinking. Its so confusing. Its lame. Are you reaching outt for me? Ïm reaching out for youuuu. Lalalaa.
I think I would never be able to act. As in, seriously, act. Because i think I'd be too distracted. I'd have a billion little things going on in my mind at all times, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my lines. Or my facial expressions. Therefore, no acting. Not for me, no.
I haven't been going out for walks on the terrace lately. Ive become so lazy. I don't get bored at all. Im lazy. Eww.
I'm not ready to die. But then, is anyone?

Pictures, and some blah.

I know the pieces fit, 'cuz i watched, them fall away.

Listening to Tool after so long. I'm sitting on a teeny little sofa near the heater. Its warm. We’re going out for Chinese tonight. Its going to be fun. Ill wear my black clothes.

I have a friend. She was so rude to me the other day. I don’t feel like talking to her now. Anyway. I bought things for my hostel the other day with mom. I bought new bed sheets, and a pair of shoes and a cover for my new comforter etc.

Oh oh. The best news.

I FINALLY GOT A NEW CHARGER FOR MY CAMERA. MEANS I CAN POST NEW AWESOME LITTLE PICTURES AGAIN. :D Yayyy.

Me and s2 don’t have much to do these days. So we went out to get some new dvds. We ended up buying the first season of Greek. And then we had a Greek marathon last night. s2 slept around 3. But i stayed up till after 5:30 watching episode after episode. It was fun. Zombie like.

No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over

Things are getting complicated. Regarding other stuff. But I'm praying that it all gets smoothed out. It smoothed even a word? Its a weird word don’t you think?

Ok. TIME FOR PICTURES.

 

These are my socks\boot type soft thingies :D A friend gave them to meh.

 

They came with these socks. They’re the fluffiest!

 

These are my two bedsheets.

THIS little baby. Is called Junior. He's not mine. He belongs to s1. But i named him.  

Ooo. And this! Is my funny little joke of a phone that I'm using these days cuz my real one’s in therapy. The company’s name as you can see is G-Tide. Pff.

Thats all the pics i have for now. More later.

To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

I read online that if you slice onions while chewing a gum, you won’t tear up. I have yet to try this.

Okay bye.

Home awesome home.

Got back home from Pindi today. Me and s2 stayed there for a few days. Eid was FUN FUN FUN. Family time. I love my family. Even though they're crazy and weird. O.o
Mom and dad are always bringing up 'my moving to Lahore' waala topic. I wish they wouldn't talk about it until we totally have to. Cuz then it makes me sad.
I just had a muffin. I love it. Me and mom love it.
LOL. Mom and s1 started being cats all of a sudden. And started saying 'mat jaaaaao, mat jaaaao' . Does that help? No. =] No no no! -.-
Im not changing my decision so please don't make it harder =] Okay? Okay.
So.
Home's nice.
All comfy comfy.
Here they go again. 'Mat jaaao, mat jaao'.
o.O
Ajeeb hain ye do larkiyan.
OmG. I laughed SO much today. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I was Stuck in Laughter. =] I like to be lame.

I got new socks. My friend brought it for me. They're Black and gray and like that. I'll upload a pic later.

OKAY BYE. =]

Kylie.

Eid be tomorrow. We're going to Pindi. Cousins and people gathering there. So fun. HOPEFULLY. INSHALLAH. Okay? =]
So. Its Teetee's birthday today. Aww. =)
Last night, I was making sausages in the pan. And I did everything right, but somehow, suddenly the pan caught fire. And i was holding the pan. And i didn't know what to do, and s2 was there with me and she ran to get the water bottle. And I was running after her, with the pan still on fire. =) And then s2 told me to put it down. And so i did. And that was the end of it =p . But it was exhilerating. And fun. Haha.

And and. Then.

Kylie give me just a chance, lets go out and dance.

Haha. Its such a shitty funny song.

I got an inbox today. On facebook:

HeYi !!
how are you ,I hope that you will be doing good .. So i am Hasan from Lahore (pAk) Doing Mcs and i want to know What do you do and where are you from ? Your Likings Dislikings and About Your Self ?

Take Care :P

My likings and dislikings. :3) Hahah.

I just sneezed.

Happy eid y'all!

Dad wants me to make coffee for him. He said the coffee i made for him lastnight was yum. =) Yayiee. Okaybye.

Chocolate ants.

I miss doing picture posts. And  i haven't done one in sucha long time. But i don't even have my camera, or my red cell phone atm. So i can't. I feel like it though. Okay anyway.
I slept alot today. Over sleeping is SO annoying. My head starts hurting and urgh, its weird. And annoying. I'm sitting in s1's room. She's pretending to study, but is really watching the Proposal on tv. And I'm here. Writing this.
Mom dad aren't home. They had to go to Jhelum for something, and then Faisalabad to meet some relatives and then Lahore to pick s2 and then come back. So. The house is quiet. OmG. Its going to be SO much fun when s2 comes. Because she's done with her Proffs and she's free, and I'm free, and so we'll have fun.
We haven't taken out our winter clothes yet. I keep telling mom to take them out. So that i can wear them -.- . Because its cold.
Oooooo. Check this out.

Ants are a popular addition to confection in some nations, and in others (where the ants are huge), they are eaten fried or baked. Frankly, the idea seems repellent to me, but to each his own. If you want to enjoy ants in France you can buy them in chocolate bars. [Taken from Listverse]

I mean seriously. =\ Eeeeeek. People eat weird things. Hmph.
I watch one movie every night. I watched Salt, and Apollo 13 and Love Happens. Apollo 13 was niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
I've seen Armageddon a BILLION times. Its always ON! On one of the movie channels on tv. But I like it. It doesn't annoy me.

I'm going to make noodles for myself.
Urgh. A girl on my facebook, asked for suggestions for Horror movies. I suggested. And now i keep getting notifications because her lame cousins have started a lame discussion there which ain't even funny. :s . Annoying.
I had a weird dream. There was this girl. She was little. But she was SO fat. She covered up the entire bed. And my mom thought she was awfully cute. Haha. Weird.
Okay enough. I go noodle.
Byebye.

Black Canvas.

A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb, a pill to make you, anybody else. But all the drugs in this world, won't save her from herself. 

I love the violin. Its emotional.
Different smells, remind me of different things. Memory and smells go together.
Everything's temporary. Nothing will last. If only I accept that, I shall learn to worry less.
Decision making. Never been good at it. Sticking to the decisions i make. Even worse.
How do people go on with their lives like that? Without doubting everything?
I'd like to swim in bitter cold water. Just for the sake of it.
I thought, what's the point of all this talk about recklessness and change, if i don't do anything about it?
We're all going to die anyway.

Giddy up and and gold mine, different place, different time, all the stars are in their prime.

Jelly. Strawberry flavoured. Cold. Almost frozen. Yum.
White socks. Walk here. Walk there. Black socks.
DJ this DJ that. I hate all DJ names.
Turned on the heater for a while today. And the room suddenly smelt like winters.
Big Baby in Toy Story 3. Very very creepy and very very cute. Love.
Houston, we have a problem. Watching Apollo 13 tonight. For the first time.
Why don't more people read Listverse? I read it everyday.

*wipes dust off the laptop screen*

o.O

Weird.
I made tea for mom and dad today. I thought I had made the BEST TEA EVER. I thought it would blow them away. I thought the colour was perfect. But. They said it was one of the worst cups of tea i've ever made them. =) How sweet.
Hmph.
Also. I mean. I have thsi t-shirt. I LOVE IT. I adore it. Its the awesomest tee ever. I call it my Red Tee. But today. S1 was like. Its brown. And i was like. o.O ? And she was like. Yes its brown. I mean. Its RED. Dark RED. Its NOT brown. I was offended. I asked dad. He couldn't really decide either. I asked mom. She said it was Rust. I asked her if it was Red or Brown. She sad it was Red + Brown. So. Umm. Rust.
But then I thought Rust is cool too. My awesome Rust Tee. :D Isn't it?
So Rust it is. It has a nice ring to it.

'is feeling sporty, amongst other things.' - Is my Facebook status.

Umm. Okay. More later.
Babaaaye.

Updates.

Why is it that whenever something big happens, I don't feel like blogging about it? I mean. I do feel like blogging about it, but I don't. Because most of the time, I just don't know where to begin.
So. I'll sum it all up. Writing in points is always easy.

*I'm moving to Lahore. For College.
*This is HUGE.
*I made a choice. I know things are going to be hard.
*People can be very discouraging.
*I hope I don't regret this. I've decided that whatever happens, I WONT regret it. I'm going to go along with this.
*Umm. What else.
*I came back from Lahore a day ago. Stayed two weeks. It was FUN.
*I watched Inception. Finally. LOVED it. Its hard to pull off an idea like that.
*I feel weird nowadays. Constantly. Ajeeb.
*Its cold. I sleep in a blanket. I wear socks.
*I hate formalities. They make everything so complicated. One doesn't know whats real.
*I was traumatized yesterday. Ive never seen a mouse or a rat upclose. I was in the kitchen. I felt something on my leg. It was something black and furry, and then it ran under the stove. I screamed-ish. And stayed in shock. I wanted to cut my leg off.
*Dad is SO CUTE. He does NOT want me to leave for Lahore. So he wasn't happy with me. But then later he called me and said 'Main soch raha tha surprise karoon, but phir socha ke pooch loon. Fish khaao gi? Le aata hoon'. I was like. Yay. =). I love fish.
Okay, more later.
*Im sleepy.

Ima be awesome anyway.

Met N yesterday. Finally. We talked and talked. It was fun. She showed me the picture of this cake which she ate recently. It looked so yum. It's haunting me since. I want it. I neeed it! But i'm going back home in a day so whatev. Hahah. S2's stomach made a funny noise. Lol.
Teetee was crying alot today. But then I started playing with her and she quitened down. I felt so proud. She likes me and all. Heeeheee.
I made coffee for s2 half an hour ago. The lights were out and I couldn't find a matchstick and it was annoying, but I still made it. She owes me BIGTIME. So. What else.
'It's your duty to serve me. Because you're my servant.'
THAT ^^ .. Is what s2 just wrote. She snatched the iphone that I'm writing this on and wrote that shit. =] pagal.
Anyway. Cake chahiye naaaaaa. Laa ke do!
Life is weird. And this must be the billionth time I'm saying this. But it really is. What do you expect me to say. It's so weird. It comes up with weird ideas. Creative ones. Destructive ones. And we can't do anything about it. Life is bossy. I don't like bossy people.
I like good conversation. There aren't many people I can have that with though. People are weird. That includes me too, don't worry.

I was sad because i don't get that many comments anymore. But then I realized that I'm just being greedy. -.- so I'm not going to be greedy anymore. Ima be awesome anyway.
Okay. S2 needs her phone now so I gotta close.
Babaaaaaaaaye! (teetee style xD).

Hello winters.

Hi public.
I'm still in Lahore. It's fun. S2's having her proffs and she thinks I'm her slave. She orders me around. And I oblige her, because mom wants me to help her in any way I can during exams. So whatev.
So. I had biryani today. I played with my little cousin who I call Teetee. She's the best. She makes me laugh. She pretends like she doesn't know my name but says it if Im ignoring her and she needs to call me. Cute.
My older cousin N is making sure I don't get too bored. He takes me out for ice cream and things like that often. He said I'm crazy 'from every angle'. Thankyouverymuch.
I feel better these days. My intensely gray phase is over I think.
I've started reading this book by Paulo Coelho. It's called 'Like the flowing river'. It's really nice. It's like reading his blog. I read it at around 4 am in the morning, outside in the lounge, on the sofa, when everybody's sleeping. It's so silent. Winters are pretty silent. Winters are here btw. Hi winters. I missed you.
What else. Oh yes. Uncertainty. Really big in my life right now. I have no idea where I'm headed. In many ways. :/ . Let's pray for everything to be awesome. Okay? Yes. Okay.
I miss my blog.
Okay. More later. Byebye.

Bullshit.

Going to lahore this morning. 7 a.m.
Hectic day today. Emotionally.
I hope I have fun.
I need fun.
I need white, in my gray.
I got thinner these past few days.
Im eating my way back.
Not nice.
Kheer is so nice. Can't help it.
Talked to N today. After so long.
Whined. Talked. We need to talk more.
What was this stupid gap that we had?
Timing. That was the issue.
I appreciate straight forward people.
I feel different.
I feel confused.
Like, my mind's changing.
Or something.
I miss Comments.
I read all my comments when im half-asleep.
I dream about the weirdest stuff.
You can't even imagine.
Memories.
I miss everything.
I finished Thorn Birds. I loved it.
Looking around s1's room. Searching for things i can write about.
S1 just started singing. Gay song. I think.
People are weird.
I feel weird.

Me to s1: Title batao koi.
s1: Bull shit.

Bye.

Hey you!

My friend R is leaving for Dubai in a day or two. We all went for a farewell lunch at her place. Which turned out to be a farewell day. Wihch turned out to be FUN. Im back home now. Really tired. Exhausted. Feverish even. (exaggerating).

I love my friends. They're the craziest. I like them the way they are. They make me laugh.

Im very thoughtful these days. So many new thoughts. New ideas. New questions. Not many answers, thankyouverymuch. Its making me restless. Very.

I talked to a friend today whose sister died recently. Im not close to her, but she just started talking about it. Life's unbelievable yknow. It felt weird.

Everyone out there has deserted my blog for some reason. Not nice. At all. -.-

My back hurts. My head hurts. My legs hurt a little.

I looked good today. Everybody said so. Oh yeah.

kbye.

A million Shades of Gray.

A poem-ish written in the spur of the moment. Don’t try to make sense out of it. Thank you. =p

A million shades of gray.
A hundred streaks of fire.
A billion little voices,
In my thoughts' liar.

There's bright, and there's left
there's warmth and there's cold
The compass oscillates now
a billion voices shout 'More!'

A thousand times yes,
a thousand times no,
A billion times what?
No, i don't know.

There's faith and there's doubt
There's fear and it shouts
Lies and layers, they blend and stick
The urge to run, is a voice within.

In the Machine.

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upper side of down 
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

Been busy. Been having fun. Been busy. Been living a bit. There's more living to do. A week more.

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

Mood fluctuations. Gray, and white, and black. And twenty other shades of gray.  My brain’s in the blender.

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds 
Keep walking around
With me
With me

Reading Thorn Birds these days. I love it already. Went to bed at 2:15 last night. Slept around 5. Couldn't get the book out of my face.

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

Life is confusing. Everyday, I believe something new, and stop believing something old. And continue to believe all the rest. I wonder if i absolutely believe in anything at all. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I have doubts.

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

P.s. I painted today, something related to work. And got my hands messy. And I loved it.

Teeehee!

I feel Hyper. I feel like I just had a big mug of coffee. But I haven't!
I just feel hyper! I have butterflies in my stomach. Ew. Not butterflies. I have. Umm. Okay whatever. Butterflies in my stomach. And I'm feeling tensed. And excited. And afraid. And excited. Is it the music? I feel like singing out loud. And i feel like doing somersaults in my room. I feel like running. I feel like being out of breath. I kinda feel alive.

Nothing happened, really.

Limbless Blunts.

-Ants are really evil. They're always hungry.
-I had a cold glass of milk a little while ago.
-Dad really liked the tea that I made today.
-He told me I was dressed like an Athlete today.
-He is funny.
-S2 is coming tomorrow, and will stay for around a month.
-We'll eat a lot and I'll get fat. And she won't let me sleep.
-I went shopping for household stuff with mom. She was like a kid in a candy store. I dragged her out of the superstore. Me and dad teased her about it in the car later.
-I'm listening to random limbless songs tonight. Yes. I said Limbless.
-I don't like one of my friends anymore. In a way. Its kinda sad.
-I dread everything.
-S1 wanted to watch Casablanca with me. But i was sleeping. So we'll do it later.
-Don't leave me alone on a sofa. Ill fall asleep instantly.
-Mom hid my novel under the pillow that day.
-I watched Marley and Me last night, and cried at the end.
-I’m going to turn the TV on. There's some movie on with Nicholas Cage. And that guy from Frost Nixon. I think I've seen this movie.
-I’m changing the channel.
-I can't wait for our new house to be ready. Its taking AGES.
-Meryl Streep is RETARDED in Mamma Mia.
-I changed my XP theme again. Its all white now.
-Really? Well-my! Miss Pool certainly has quite an imagination!
-My friend said that I wear black too often.
-Some of my sentences are longer than the others. Did you notice?

So!

So! These late night cravings are getting really annoying now. It was Pancakes, one day, Cream Rolls, the other, and today, I crave for Steak. I mean, I could do something about it had it been a decent hour. But its 3:30 am now and there's no way I'm getting a steak at this time =[ . Aah. Well. It is what it is. Lets forget about it.

So! I'm feeling excited about two things. I've talked about them on and on, and I'm afraid ill jinx them. But I'm just excited. And its not wrong to be excited is it? Eeee. I wish both these things would happen, and happen smoothly. And I shall be happy. So happy.

So! This friend of mine told me, that I'm in love with myself. And well. Its true. Yes I am. I love myself. LOL! - No seriously. What's there to LOL about. I love myself and I think everybody should love themselves too. Its very important. I mean. I'm not perfect. I have my faults. Like, aloot of them. And I try to kill them too. But that's going to take time. And I know it. Cuz no ones perfect. So you're always going to have a fault in you. But that doesn't mean that you don't have to like youu! I've no patience with people who don't love them selves. Loving yourself does not mean feeling like you're all parfait and you don't need to work on yourself. It just means, that. You're awesome. And its okay to be imperfect.

Okay, enough of this.

So! I made Roti (chapaati, or whatever) today. It was rectangular. Haha.

This is for everyone who comments on my blog:

The music of the Night.

“Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has  nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.” – Meredith Grey.

I felt a lot of things today. I felt sad, happy, content, angry, annoyed, spirited and hopeless. All of it. I wanted to blog about it later, but I didn't really feel like it. I couldn't make myself get to it somehow. Then I walked on the terrace at night. It was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, to say the least. I promise. I stared at the stars for the first time. Like, actually stared. For looong. And the moon too. I didn't realize HOW pretty the sky was at night, until today. And I can't really write about it, cuz my stupid little distracted words are going to ruin it. Soo. Pff.

By night, an atheist half believes in God.  ~Edward Young

 

 

We've made life quite stupid somehow. We've turned it into a big deal, when its really not so. We're all going to die. Why don't we take more risks? Why don't we be more reckless. We should be. And I don't mean it in a negative way. I'm talking about Good recklessness. Having the courage to take risks and not wallowing in misery and self pity if things don't turn out well. Seizing opportunity when we see it. Taking chances. But no, we all have to be soo over cautious about everything. So scared. So obsessed about being Happy, and achieving our Goals, that we forget to enjoy the process. And at the end, what else is there but the process? Life itself is a process aint it? Our priorities are messed up, i tell you. Seriously.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently, they're not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things...They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs.

p.s. There's this movie where the guy's name is Art. Such an amazing name to have I think. Don't you? ^.^

Russell Crowe is more important than you.

I don't feel like writing anything. I feel like blogging, but i don't feel  like typing. But I am now, because i really feel like blogging. Anyhow.
   Me and my friends are giving our friend Z, a surprise birthday party. So me, Sd and M might go to buy a present for her tomorrow. That'd be fun. I also have to go to the dentist tomorrow. I hate my dentist appointments. >.<
I talked to Sd for an hour on phone just now. That was nice. I should do that more often.
  I'm over rated. And under rated too. Just saying.
I'm halfway through my novel. Yay.
OmG I downloaded Robin hood finally! And ima watch it now with Chicken chunks and bread =$ . And 2 cookies. Fun.
I love staying up at night. Its because this is Me time. I love being all by myself at night and watching movies, and reading nice stuff. And reading my novel too. I love it.
I'm scared of changing my blogger template. I found a lot of nice ones but none of them seems like the 'right one'. I feel as If i change my template, my blog will lose its thing. =[ Its a stupid fear, but yes I have it. So unless i find THE PERFECT BLOGGER TEMPLATE, I'm not changing anything. I might change the banner up there though! I might make a couple of new banners and then I'll upload them up here and everyone can help me decide which o

nes the best :D . That sounds nice.
I wish we still wrote letters to each other. There's such a nice feeling to it.
Okay bubye.
Russell Crowe is waiting, and he's more important than you.

I made this cardboard thingy for Mom on her birthday. Even though I'm not 10 anymore. =p

Eidness.

Hello all.
Happy Eid, all.
I love eid. I love chaand raat too.
We go over to our cousins/khala's place every year but this time we aren't. And that sucks. And I'll spend the eid at home. Which is not the way- WTH :S . A mosquito BIT my hand just now. ARGH. Okay. So. This is not the way eid is supposed to be. It should be all about relatives and ye woh. =[

I've put on Mehendi though. Its nice. S1 always puts it for me. I'll upload a pic soon. Im lazy right now.

 

This picture is of the early chaandraat celebrationn I had with my friends.

 

 

It feels weird. To not have to go to the kitchen at 3 am to help mom with sehri. The routines gonna change now. Maybe ill sleep allot more. Or allot less? Lets see.

S2 is here nowadays. She has an exam real soon after Eid so she's busy studying. Which makes it not so fun for meh. -.- No one wants to enjoy eid with me tomorrow =[ .

The place where the mosquito bit is swollen now btw. Thankyouverymuch.

Life's smooth these days. Not too smooth. So its alright. I'm free. I can do anything i want. In a way.

Two of my friends are going to London College of Fashion. I'm all envy -.- . Must be fun.

WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO NESCAFE GOLD BTW? It used to be great before. But now it tastes like Burnt wood or something of the sort. =S I don't get it. I had the worst cup of coffee today. It sucked so much that my body wanted to sleep right after i had it.

Mom says that I'm a good human being. ^.^ Heh. I'm so lovable. Aww.

okaybye.

p.s. make sure you enjoy your eid okay?

Got a minute?

I got together with my friends to celebrate an early Chaand raat today. We had a GREAT time. I looked nice too. I'm going to get another haircut soon. Different hairstyle this time.
It was the 27th Night of Ramzan today. I prayed. And felt nice. It was fun.

s2's been pressuring me to blog about her. A blog post that'd be about her, and her only. I would've written one in no time, but because she's been asking me to write it, now i can't. So I've decided, there's no hurry. I'll take my time. And then I'll write a post about s1 too.

I want to be very rich very soon. I'll buy LOTS of new clothes, so that I don't have to get any stitched. I'd just buy them all ready-made. And I'll buy me a new pair of jeans. I badly need one. I'd book a trip to Paris. I'd buy a Library. I'd give free food to everyone. Everyone on the road. Everyone on the street. Everyone. I'd do so much! Money is reallllly nice.

You know what frustrates me? When people don't try to be happy. When they lack the will to be happy. When they don't make a REAL effort to make themselves feel better. When they blame other things and other people for their problems. When they accept failure. When they're too lazy to get up and try to make their lives better. When they think they CANT. It just makes me angry.

I'm watching a miniseries these days. Its called Little Dorrit, by Charles Dickens. I love it. You can find it on youtube. If you want to watch it, ask for it, in the comments. I'll find the link for you. I love it. I'm reading a book called Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell. =\ Read about 30 pages so far. I hope I like it.

Its 5:21 a.m.

My post titles are getting random-er and random-er. :)

I want to do something really creative tomorrow. =]
Okay bye.

A pocket full of me.

I will not talk about anything upsetting that has happened to me. I have other places to go to, for that. So I'll talk things that are nice.

I went out with mom and dad today. I bought two nice bowls. A blue and an orange one. I bought nice things to eat. I had a drumstick on my way home. Then I made tea for mom and dad. Had some myself too. Had some weird cake with it.

I watched Gone with the Wind again today. I love it. Scarlett is so funny. So is Rhett.

I watched Sense and Sensibility. The 2008 BBC version. Liked it. I LOVE BBC versions of all these awesome period dramas. You go BBC!

I wore my purply lilac shirt. My mom said the colour suited me.

Mom made fries for me. I ate them.

I made drawings off the internet. I made Spongebob Square pants. Stewie from Family Guy, an aeroplane, and Bart Simpson. They’re all nice. Except Stewie. He looks a bit retarded.

I bought Nescafe Gold. Found another one called Nescafe mild and smooth or something. Ill try it later.

I keep turning the A.c off and on.

I will go search for cloth for my Eid dress with mom tomorrow. That is something I HATE doing. I hope my Eid clothes turn out to be pwetty pwetty.

I will buy a novel tomorrow too hopefully.

Koi Sims install kar de please? I miss it terribly. I learnt the word ‘Flirt’ from Sims btw.

P.S. I DONT LIKE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE STOP COMMENTING. DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!

D-Day: Aftermath.

Hi. Its over. It really is. The result's out tomorrow but i can't be worried about that. I'm just basking in the freedom for today. And how did it go you ask? It went fine! I did a lot of guesswork in the MCQ’s. If they turn out to be right, then yayy. And if not, then God help me =o . Anyway. Whatev. Its OVER. I'm free for like, I don't know two months or something. I don't know. But whatever. I'm FREE! I feel good. *I feeel goood. tanananana. So goood. So goood. I feeel good. Tanananaa*.
Yeah okay. Anyway.
I'm tired. I slept for only about 3 hours today once i got home.
I'm in S1's room nowadays. I like it here. I'm using her laptop. I'm owning it. For now. =>

So okay. I feel very peaceful today. And I feel really great because my People were very kind to me during the whole abnormally insane stressed out phase I went through. S2 texted me all day everyday telling me positive things to think about. And then called me to whitewash all my black thoughts. S1 gave me advices on how to better attempt the paper. She talked to me the night before the exam and told me it was okay if I messed up. My friend N, tried to comfort me as best as she could, keeping it real all the while. She made me laugh by suggesting that I take a sleeping pill to help me sleep, when I told her I couldn't sleep, the night before the exam. Haha. She was serious. And she gave me and my stupid exam more importance even though she herself had a big test to prepare for. Its tomorrow. And Sd, who was with me through all of this. She was giving the same exam. We unloaded our stress on each other 20 times a day and then consoled each other with optimistic thoughts that we weren't really thinking (or believing) at that point. Haha. My other friends, Z and Mp, who said they prayed for me and were the first ones to ask me how it went when i got home.
And. My parents. The Awesome Ones. I think I shall call them The Awesome Ones from now on. I think. Okay. Lame. But no. They are awesome. My dad kept telling me it was okay, and I always did good and I would do the same this time. He awkwardly hung around the room trying to comfort me during one of my weeping episodes. And Mom. Who treated me like a baby. And prayed for me and prayed for me and prayed for me some more. And asked dad to bring me cream rolls. :)
And my Naano. Whose the funniest. Whose so old but she remembered the date of my entrance exam, and called to wish me goodluck and asked my mom to gimme two kissies. And said all kinds of funnycrazycute things that old people say.
Weeeeeeee.
Yeah so thats it. That ^^ , is why I feel nice.
So okay. Ima watch a moofie now or something. Fun.
I wear a Halo of awesomeness over my head.

D-Day.

5:47 a.m. D-Day.
The past two days have been THE most stressful days of my life. And it's all yet to be over. I've cried and been sad and felt hopeless and stressed out and more stressed out. Its just an exam. But its THE exam. There's been so much build up for this. That now that its just hours away, I'm afraid to face it. I'm afraid to fail. And I'm scared of letting everybody down. Especially myself. I know even if I don't make it (Allah na karay =\), I'll end up somewhere fine. But I just raelly really want this. I really do. And I've prayed and everyones prayed too. I trust God, but I don't trust myself. I keep forgetting everything. Argh. I won't talk about it right now.
I have to get ready at 6. I haven't slept a minute all night. I tried. Couldn't. That's okay. I give all my exams sleepless. But this one's just the Mother of all exams! Hahah.
Oh God.
I've stopped studying. There are many things i can study and revise right now, but I'll freak out if i open my books again. Im fasting. It's going to be a long day.
I've NEVER freaked out so much about any exam. Ever. I'm always so chill the day of the exam. I laugh, and enjoy the whole thing. But this time, its just different. I can't laugh. I want to. I want to feel like I can DO THIS. I'm thinking positive.
I'm going to run on the treadmill now for some. Exercise. Endorphins. Feel good thingies. I need.
5:53 a.m.
I should go exercise now. I don't want to stop writing though.
Okay. I will.
I'll tell you all how it went. I hope it goes great. :D It HAS TO. It just does. God's with me. So. Like. HAS TO.
Bye.

Stupid little feeling, a pome.

Stupid feeling in the stomach, please go away
I'm sick of you now, you've been here all day

Cuz i need some focus, i need some calm
you help just a little, you do more harm

I was happy in the morning, then you ruined my mood
now nothing can make it better, not ice cream nor food.

Im an optimistic person, and i deal fine with stress
But you, you dirty little feeling, are too much I guess.

You make me feel annoyed, frustrated and mad
you make me feel helpless, hopeless and sad.

I shouldn’t ‘ve written a pome for you, cuz you aint so dear,
Insert a rhyming word here, like tear, near or fear.

Ok bye now stupid little feeling in the stomach,
you deserve an abrupt ending.

Meltdown.

I’m having a meltdown. It started last night. And it hasn’t ended. I’m scared. Very. There’s so much to do. So much to remember. So much to practice. So much! Its just too much! I don’t know what I'll do. I’ve been studying good since then but maybe that's not enough now. I’m scared.  I’ve texted everyone. To somehow, unload it off me. But it hasn’t quite helped. Because I already know what everyone's gonna say. I’d say the same things to someone else if they had a meltdown. But I’m not convinced. I’m scared. Continuously. Its not going away. It just won’t.

I just want God, dear dear dear DEAR God to get me through this. =[

Please.

The Lord of the Rings. And flies.

I love The Lord of The Rings. The trilogy. All of it. Its so grand. Its genius. How can you write all that? People can be so awesome sometimes. Anyway. I remember when I was reading the novel, I became obsessed with it. I started to envy them little hobbits travelling around all the time, and eating only bread and things on the way. So. What did I do? I started eating bread. No, not bread. Bun. I started eating plain bun everyday. Specially in the morning. It felt good. I felt like a traveler too. An adventurer. Who needed nothing but a little bun every morning to get through the adventures of the day. Haha. Who am i kidding? I didn't feel any of that. I grew sick of the bun pretty soon.

I wonder what the basic human instinct is. Um. No, basic human nature. I wonder if it is To love, or to kill\overpower the other? I used to believe in the former. But then I read the Lord of the Flies. And it convinced me otherwise. And now, a couple of years later, I'm kinda confused. I can't make up my mind about it. But then, I haven't really given it too much thought. Maybe I'll figure it out someday.

Btw, I didn't mean to mention the Lord of the Rings and the Lord of the Flies together in the same post. Its only a coincidence. True story.

Okay bye.

I flew a helicopter.

I’ve shifted back to my red room again. I went to Sd’s place today. Her younger brother had this toy helicopter that you could fly with a remote control.

This is about what happened:

Stupid helicopter.

Bye.

Amazing and useless.

Hey you.

My friend Sd came over today. In the morning. I was sleepy and grumpy like ~___~ . We had to study together. So we did. And we studied good. Cuz I don’t study before aftari when I’m on my own. Neither does she. So we decided to do it together so that we’d keep each other awake and fresh and all that. So. I was really exhausted today. Then my A.C pretended to not work. I was really upset. But then it stopped pretending. Then I was happy.

I had coffee over an hour ago. I'm fresh. I'm studying. I'm watching Rookie Blue. Its a new show. I watch stuff while I'm studying. Keeps me active.

Msn Messenger is not working. Im using ebuddy instead. Ebuddy is nice. And you know. The iphone usb cable im using? Its fake. The real one is still with s2. And the fake one is giving me a tough time >.< . Its so hard to charge it. Ima beg a friend tomorrow to lend me her cable =) .

I downloaded an iPhone app. I love it. Have a look:

It has 36 novels in total. I wish I could read all of them. But I only have the phone till Eid. –.- So Hmph. But whatever, I’ll buy real novels after I'm done with my test. So that trumps everything. Yay.

I've noticed something. My comments per post are decreasing as my number of followers is increasing. =s . Yes. Its happening. No fair right? –.-

Btw. Dolphins sleep with one eye open. Insecure people.

Enjoy.

Teahouse moon.

Enlarge to read.

Something I love.

.I love it that my bed creaks.
.I love the orange and black colors outside my window.
.I love my sugar free wheat biscuits.
.I love how my dad asked me why i looked 'Korean' that day.
.I love having random urges to do somersaults in my room.
.I love waking up. I love going to sleep.
.I love how messy the lounge looks downstairs because of all the clothes.
.I love how my mom is scared of snakes.
.I love wearing my pink handbag, even though it doesn't match most of my clothes.
.I love beating coffee.
.I love drinking orange juice in that tall glass, with ice cubes and a straw.
.I love watching the actors studio on YouTube late at night.
.I love my big glasses.
.I love letting the sunshine in, in my room, the first thing in the morning.
.I love writing. On paper.
.I love getting so tired that my back hurts.
.I love singing songs that are easy to sing.
.I love reading about history on the internet and then forgetting everything I've read.
.I love my cell phone for not being everything i wanted it to be.
.I love being reminded of a dream i had at night, suddenly during the day.
.I love short sentences.
.I love gray.
.I love genuine laughter.
.I love my flimsy Pink shirt with an ugly bear on it.

Snap snap.

Its 4:23 a.m. I’m supposed to be sleeping. But when does anyone ever do what he\she is supposed to do right? So. Here are some pictures!

Random ones.

Knorr chicken noodlies. Yum. New yellow plastic bowl btw.

Bounty. One of my favorites!

Serve Chilled. Yes sir! =]

A wittle stationery shopping I did one day. ^^

Name: Jack Black.

Weapon of choice: Spork.

(More on him later)

The nice spongy chocolate cake me and N made when I was at her place last year! =D

 

Okay whatever. I know my pictures are boring. And maybe they’ve made you a little hungry. But its just that, I can’t find my Digital Cam’s charger, and until and unless I find it, I am not going to be inspired to take pictures of random-things-that-look-pretty-all-of-a-sudden. Hmph.

Anyway. I had two cups of coffee today. Coffee, and more coffee. And lots of dish washing. Haven’t found a maid yet.

Oh. Check out this song.

‘Painted on my heart’ – The Cult.

Which gives me the idea, my next post should be about recommendations. Music, movies, whatever. :D Yum.

Okay bubye. Keep reading, keep commenting, keep me happy. Or you shall die. 

A pocket full of nothing.

Hi.

The title has nothing to do with the post. Not even a little bit. Or maybe a teeny tiny bit that's only in my brain. Okay. Read on now.

I'm so exhausted right now. And I'm sick of ants. They're wild and neurotic. They try to eat everything. They try to eat me too. I hate them, and they're everywhere. What's wrong with them? They're always looking for food. Calm down LADIES! =s
My entry test got delayed. I don't know what the new date is. No one knows yet. But I hope I do get a week at least. I really need the extra days.
I can't find my glasses. I mean. Its weird. Once i loose my glasses, i can't find them, ‘cuz I can't see proper without them. So i can't find them then. How can I find my glasses when I can't see properly without them? Its a cycle. A never ending one. Which ends with me asking someone else to find them for me. Well. I'm exaggerating. I see okay without them. Its blurry but whatev.
So. I went out with friends for lunch today. It was nice to see them. We had fun. The food wasn't that great though. =\ But it was fun still. I was really tired when I got home. [I got home late, and the driver had to go home, and my mom was not happy with me =\]. I wanted to sleep but s2 - s2! s2 said she needed me to help her with her presentation. And I've been doing that since. The stupid presentation. Such a weird topic, I swear. I got all the info. Which  was REALLY hard to find. s2 kinda organized it. And now s1 is making the actual presentation.
s2 is SPOILT I tell you.
So okay.
Other than that. I am desperate. Lol. Yes. No. Yes. Desperate - to read a novel. Seriously. I just really really REALLY want to read a nice one. And I can't right now because I'm in the middle of a critical studying period and if I start a novel now, I wont be able to put it down. And then I won't study. And I need to study. In order to get somewhere. I hate this stupidity. I just need to get into a good university quick. So that I can rest. And relax. And get rid of the uncertainty.
*sigh*
My friend, N has chicken pox. Poor she. Haha. Funny, but okay.
Umm, what else. I really want to sleep now.
=[

P.s. Next post is going to be a Picture post. Yum.

A poem, y'know.

Where is everyone I might ask?
My blog has turned into a desert.

I'm listening to a song that I don't understand.
I watched people eat live beetles on Fear Factor.

The lights went out, and my speaker stopped working.
My friend, N won't laugh at my jokes.

My mom says the color pink suits me
I wish I could have some ice cream right now.

I shall not talk about bad things that are happening,
That does not mean I don't feel, cuz i feel too much.

I solved a lot of MCQs today, with a pencil that I like.
When i told you about my speaker, I forgot to tell you about the fan, which ain't working either.

My ears hurt because of the stupid headphones I'm wearing,
I repeat, I'm listening to a song that I don't understand.

I ate Knorr noodles out of a nice yellow bowl today,
There was a cockroach outside my room last night, that left me stranded in my room.

I'm great at writing poems, this is also a poem you know.
I shall write more of these; a rare treat for you this shall be.

Rain is a good thing.

Woke up at 11 a.m this morning. Snoozed my way to 12. Checked me messages. Message from Sd. 'Amazing rain'. I woke up. Looked outside the window. Felt like I was in a hill station. Went down. Got some orange juice. Got a packet of lays. Went to the terrace. Sat in awe of the prettyness of it all. Came inside. Tried to study. Wasn't feeling well. Wanted to puke. Made some coffee. Didn't drink it. Slept instead. Woke up. Watched part of a lame movie. Sms-talked  with S2. Heard some interesting news. Shared the news with s1. Lied down. Looked at the cup of coffee. Slept again. Woke up. Took a tablet. Slept again. Woke up. Watched some news. Slept with the TV on. Woke up. Turned the TV off. Slept again. Woke up. Enough sleeping. Went down. Re-heated the coffee. Gulped it down. Got ordered by mom to eat something. Laughed. Took out two cold slices of pizza. Grabbed a bottle of water. Came upstairs. Went to the terrace. Sat in awe of the prettyness of it all. Ate. Music. Ate. Music. Sang. Sat. Stared at a cute bird. Pretended not to see the neighbor woman on the terrace next to mine. Waited for her to leave. She left. Felt relieved. Sat. Updated my status on facebook. Sat some more.Came inside. Took out a new packet of pens. Felt excited. Sat down to write about it.
Wrote about it.

Going to start studying now.

I am Mine.

Life is weird. Its true.
Its funny how I've grown into Somebody over the years. I remember when I was 13, and 14, and 12 and all those weird ages. And I was finding my way through all kinds of things. And now I'm Me. I'm this  person, who has all these thoughts, and opinions about things. There are things I know i want, and things I know I don't want. And I behave a certain way. I have just, grown. My thoughts have changed, and so have my ideas and beliefs, but I'm still the same inside. Just a more extreme version of my older self. It makes me smile. How we keep evolving. And changing. And yet still remain unchanged.
I'm excited, for everything that's ahead of me. Good and bad. I'm excited for the grayness. For all of it.

Btw the view out of my room's window is pretty at night. Its not mountains, or the sea, or pretty buildings, not even pretty houses. Its just a couple of trees, and some average looking houses, a lane, and a street light. But its awfully nice to see. And I'm glad to have it.

The farmer’s daughter is mean.

I'm not a saint. I just think.. whatever. Why does being nice have 'consequences'? That doesn't sound fair. That's not encouraging. Really, its not. How am I supposed to be nice if I know people are going to take it for granted and mess with me because of it? That's hardly encouraging.
People are mean.

I want ice cream. Why did I tell mom I didn't want ice cream when she asked me ten minutes ago? :S Now there's no one who can bring it for me.
ICE CREAM!

'I fell in love with the farmer's daughter
We got married last spring'
Wth. Random song on Real player.

I repeat, people are mean.

Click, click, flash.

I love being in my room. The comfort and freedom of having a room of your own. It’s amazing. I remember when my parents decided to give me and my sisters separate rooms. S1 choose the one downstairs, I had the little corner one upstairs, and S2 had the big one next to mine. Haha. S2 takes the big and expensive things everytime. =p . S1 painted her room Blue. Mine was dark red (which dad thought was absurd btw) and s2 choose Lilac for hers. We bought matching carpets and curtains and personalized em in a day. It was fun. S1’s room is green and s1-ish now. Then dad bought us separate Tv sets for our rooms and we felt like princesses. There was also a fight about who’d get to keep the DVD player. S2 won.

I feel so prettay, picture perfect beautiful!

This song is stuck in my brain. I heard it on Star World.

Anyway. So i love having my own room and that was the point basically.

The weather was amazing yesterday. I woke up with a grin on my face. Shit. I feel like making a comic strip thingy about this. Ooo. But okay, later. I'm too lazy. =[ Haw.

OMG ENOUGH WITH THE BOND MOVIES ON STAR WORLD! >.< THEY’RE LAME! I don’t like James Bond. Never have. Never will. They’re all weird. Zero zero whatever. I don’t give a pff.

Money is so good. I want. Lots. Give? No? Ok. =’<

Btw, i downloaded a new theme for my Xp. I like it. Check it out:

=D Bye.

Back in the saddle.

Hello y’all! =D

My results out! I scored Goood. I like my result :D I’m happy! I wanted this to happen SO bad. And it did! And ain’t God just awesome?

We’re going out to have steaks tonight =D

Some of my friends didn’t get what they wanted, and they’re sad. And I'm sad for them. And I don’t know what to say to them. Because I know how this feels. I know what they’re thinking and feeling, and whatever I tell them right now, it won’t matter. I just hope they feel better soon. Very soon okay?

So anyway. Now that this results out, I have to start focusing on the MAJOR entry test ahead that’s going to decide my precious little future. I have to make it. I have to study like a horse. Or a dog. Anything. I HAVEEEEEE to go all the way! Bas! No excuses.

I’m happy and sad and there’s some anxiety floating around inside me too. But, whatever, I love God for making this happen. And I can’t complain. Seriously.

Okay, bye now.

Pray for me. DO IT! >.< 

Shades of Gray.

Hi. I have 52 followers, no, 53 followers now. That's EEUUGE (huge =\) for me. My wittle blog has more than 50 followers! How awesome. ='] Back when I had 40 something followers, I decided that I would write a special post at 50, but then I never got the chance. So I'll write one later. And I've decided what it's going to be about. Its going to be about things I love. I have stolen the idea from another blog. Hopelessly Flawed's blog actually. =D So.

Moving on.

Failure, is interesting. And I don't like it. All them quotes and stuff talk about how motivational and self building it can be, but to tell you the truth, I'd just rather win. Its just, more comfortable that way. You know it. I know it. Lets stop making motivational quotes. Lets ban failure. Lets never, just, lose. Lets always win. Let others lose and build themselves, I shall just win and be awesome. =]

So blogger is so lame. I made a new Page on my blog called 'iQuote', where I thought I would quote all sorts of Movies, and dialogues and song lyrics etc, but it was after I created the page that I found out that we aren't allowed to post stuff on these pages. FAIL! -.- So I deleted it, and etc etc.

These days aren't so bright. But I still don't feel so black. I don't know. Gray. Everywhere. At times its light gray, and at times its darker. But it's always Gray. Not really though, it's black at times. Grr. I hate Black times. But then, who doesn't right?

OmG I'm SO glad Spain won the World Cup. I loove Spain. I don't know much about it. But I love it. And there's a not-so-secret reason why. Haha. Okay. But Spain = cute.

And what's this funny shi*t [this is fun *giggle*] about this psychic Octopus. Octopus Paul. The Mighty! Weirdo. I don't care for him really. He can do whatever he want, and sit on any box he wants. Or eat. Or whatever.
Life is so philosophical. Very fun.
Okay bye.

Pointless.

I just wrote two paragraphs of pointless sh*t [ there, I did it again ^.^], and then backspaced all of it because, as i already mentioned, it was pointless, and crappy. And wasn’t about what I’m actually feeling right now. What I'm actually feeling right now is anxiety, and i don’t want to talk about all that on my blog right now. So. Whatever.

I write more stuff later. Bye bye.

p.s. I got my ID card made today. I’ll get it in about a week’s time or so. The picture, as per tradition, came out sucky. =]

p.s. The flu and headache's still there, and killing me still.

How annoying.

I feel feverish. Headache, flu, forehead-ache, flu. neck-ache, and flu. Did i mention flu?  But its just that i don’t have fever. I checked. 97.7. Bummer.

I’m not going to talk about studies, because that will make me go crazy and i don’t want to feel that way right now.

I was out of city these past few days. Was fun, except for some parts but that's okay.

S2 bought me a shirt. I looove it.

I have this cousin. She's a baby. I call her Teetee. I love her. She’s the best. She’s growing up so fast. No fair. =[ Cute babies should always be babies. And the ugly ones should grow up fast. Really fast. I’m being mean. Poor babies.

I have to wake s2 up in 8 minutes.

I hate it when my throat goes dry because of the A.C. Didn’t use to happen before, but now it does. The A.c is after my throat! >.<

My new clothes are here. All stitched and done. Heh. They’re nice.

I'm really out of things to say. Well not really. Its just. I’m not in that mood right now and I'm just babbling on because i still got 5 mins to wake s2 up. 3 mins now.

Okay. Im not a highlighter person. I underline stuff with a pencil. I just don’t use highlighters. Only rarely, when I'm really bored.

Okay enough. Two mins to go. I’ll manage. Bye.

Pulling my hair out. >.<

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read it, and comment with words of wisdom, not sympathy, or I'll stab you in the eye.

P.s. The weird color combo might’ve given your eyes a headache =s

Im superman.

I need a confidence boost. I surely need it.

And some coffee.

Of water fights and being awesome.

I had fun today. I was in one of my moods. The bad ones. So i decided to flush everything, and went to a friend's party. And mannn was that the right decision. I had SO much fun. We had nice lunch, lasagna and all, then a huge water balloon fight, and coffee and samosay at the end. Fun, fun, fun. I'm awesome. I always go meet my friends and have a good time. I just go. I don't make a fuss. I go, I have fun, and then I come back, and be happy about it.
But anyway.

Today, I feel Loser-like. I have realized that there's nothing that I'm REALLY good at. There should be something. =s . I want to be the best at something. Something. Anything. But I ain't. And that makes me loser-like.
I'm just lazy. =s No fair. =[
I don't believe people who say they don't have time to reply to text messages. Or that they were busy. I mean, seriously. What the hell. It takes ten seconds or less to type 'I'm busy atm, ttyl =o' or 'later, not a good time =o' or just anything! There's just no excuse for not replying to text messages. Specially urgent ones. People just like to ignore other people.

Anyway, I'm going to study all nice and proper from tomorrow. I'm going to be a study dog. It would suck to not get into a decent university just because I was too lazy. It really would. I'm awesome. I shall stay awesome.

On that note,
Bye!

dfgidf;s

Im not studying. Im not studying. Im not studying. I just am not. Im dying.
I Can't. =[
Im ruining everything. This is annoying.
I HATE THIS.
My body doesn't listen to my brain.
It doesn't.
Bye.

Stupid blogger =[

Blogger's being weird. :(
I logged in and it opened somebody else's account again!
And i can't even see the last post i did. =[
Its all wrong!
Facebooks doing the same stupid login stuff.
WHY :(

Beatin like a hammer.

I had cold coffee tonight. I'm all jumpy. Im watching Gilmore Girls. Its fun to watch. Me and my sisters, HAVE to have a tv show to watch during summer holidays. Its just a trend. I want to continue it. We're out of tv shows actually. Seen em all. Pff.

Fat solid cold cherries are SO awesome aren't they? Yum. Hahah. Purply bloody stuff.

I tremble, they're gonna eat me alive,
If I stumble, they're gonna eat my alive.
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer!
Help, I'm alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer.

I like this funny song. The start especially.

Cherries, Leechy and mangoes are the football fruits. ^.^

I saw this match today. Portugal and Korea. (PKR =p). LOL. 7-0.
Korea is so funny. They got killed. I wonder how they'd be feeling after the match. All miserable and loser like. They got killed. =)

Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer

Facebook is shitty. Bad IP and what not. Its annoying me so much!

Lol. I have to study SO much. SO-FREAKIN-MUCH. =)
I'm tired. ='[

I'm an eating machine. I can't stop. Can't.
I just like eating. Food is nice. I like it. It tastes good.

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?

That day, I went down to get food. Mom asked me if i wanted a Roti or a Paratha. I was like Roti. She said 'okay paratha'. Im like NOO ROTI PLEASE! She said, No, paratha. It tastes good with this daal. I said. MAMA NOO I WANT ROTI. PLEASE. STOP. IM GETTING FAT! But she ignored me. And made me a paratha :S .
So what am i supposed to do right? Not my fault.

I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats...

Okay. Enough. Of. The. Crazy. Talk.

:D BYE.

p.s. Ooo, today i logged in and opened my dashboard and it was somebody else's dashboard. Mobile Ten City or something =s. Weird.

Cherries with ice on top.

I love cherries.

I feel crazy. Like this. %-)

I look crazy too. But its fun.

I should study like dogs. Entry tests coming.

I don’t know what’s wrong with facebook. Its not letting me do anything. Wth.

OH BTW.

ANNOUNCEMENT.

You see this orange dolly in my profile pic there? The one that often visits my blog to sprinkle her awesomeness al over it>. I love her. She’s awesome. And well, I've have finally named her.

She’s called. EVE. =]]]

Aw. Okay so that's it. Bye.

iHome.

Im back home.
The trip to Lahore wasn't as much fun as i expected it to be. I was bored most of the time. The only good thing that came out of it was me meeting N after almost a year (didn't feel like that at all though), and mom buying me new clothes. :D
S2 is here too. I hope we have fun. Everybody's sleeping cuz they're exhausted from the drive back home. But I ain't that sleepy. I'm just tired. I just finished watching a movie called The Time Machine on HBO. Now I'm going to watch Memoirs of a Geisha. Fun.
I got a haircut. It doesn't look how I expected it to look but whatever, I'll do something about my hair; even though I look like a ten year old again. =s .
Soo. The match is on. Its Brazil and some red coloured people called "PRK". OMG. People's republic of KOREA maybe?? I think yes! Oo im so awesome. =]

I had a dream that day where i was Sponge Bob square pants and I was trying to get to the top floor of some big Jelly bean factory. And another Sponge bob square pants, called 'Abduallah' comes to know about it, and starts pretending to be me =\ . LOL. And then when I get to the mysterious top floor, I find lots of black African kids (more like 14-15 year olds), and a maulvi, all eating Grape flavored Jelly beans. =s

Weird dream no?
Anyway. Okay bye. The match is so boring. Why couldn't football be more interesting? But argh, I still ain't giving up on it. Pff.
Okay. BYE =]

Sound of madness.

Hi y'all!
I miss my blog. Alot, nowadays =p. But okay whatev. Im in Lahore right now. Was in Pindi last night and was home before that. The last two days have been tiring but fuuuun. Yesterday was soo much fun. Had a long needed get together with my friends. We went out for lunch too. I had a yummy steak. And some chocolate mint stuff that i liked. It was soo much fun . I heart all my stupid abnormal friends. We're all crazy. I love us. I hate it that i don't get to meet them as often as i want. =[

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now


Okay but whatev. We stopped at Pindi last night, and now im here in Lahore. Just had a paratha roll and ice cream. Im full. Im not sleepy. =s S2's sleeping. The room's all dark and i can't see the keyboard. But thats okay i guess.
Im happy. Or something.
I want things to continue this way. Im so tired of all kinds of worries and stress. Happy-ness is so much more fun. I want more.
I'm going to get a haircut on Monday. Im excited for it. I hope i look nice. Heeh. Lol.
Im getting random again. But its okay no?
Yeah.
So. Ooh. The Fifa worldcup's started. I ain't into football but i like World Cups and all that. Im planning to follow it till the end. Thats going to be fun. I'm gonna watch em with Dad. Dad is cute and he likes watching these matches. So we'll have fun watching em. =)
Cherries are AWESOME. So are mangoes. And leechi juice too.
=) =) =)
Im all smiles right now. Weird. Lol.

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin’ and smashin’ and crashin’
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you’re staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds

Did you read all that? ^^
Lol. Okay. I don't care. So. Anyway. I might meet N the day after tomorrow. She's coming to Lahore too. Thats going to be fun :o. Isn't it? Yeah it is. Lol. Nanananaaaaa. Im awesome. I know it. But for some reason, s1 is bent upon calling me Grumpy. She says Grumpy should be my name. =/ I SO don't agree. Im so awesome and colourful. I not be Grumpy okay? I was only grumpy in the car today cuz it was so hot outside. =s . I can tolerate anything, except Garmi and Cockroaches. They annoy me.

Snap.
Okay bye. =)
Enjoy. Comment. Make me happy.

just droppin' in.

Hi bloggy woggy poo[gay]. I miss you. I'll write in you tomorrow okay? I ate so much. I'm so full. Okay byeee.
Oh and btw. Had my last practical today. Went goooood. :D Ha. Bye.

Little house.

I need a haircut. I need it soon.

Its raining outside. Ill go make coffee and maybe sit on the terrace. I'm afraid of the mosquitoes you see, but maybe they won’t bite if I walk rather than sit on the terrace. So lets see.

I feel like i don’t blog enough these days. Its not like I'm too busy. I’m never too busy, to do the things I wanna do, i think.

The TV's on and there’s this guy wearing a bright green shirt. Ew =s .

Bats frighten Batman. Cockroaches frighten me. Okay.

I just peeled off lots of skin off my lips. And now it hurts =[ .

What's with the stupid internet. It comes and goes. Its the rain, isn’t it? Yeah.

Yesterday wasn’t a very good day. I was tired and whatnot. I don’t know.

I like that song. Little House, by Amanda Seyfried. Its in Dear John, the movie. Its nice.

I’m reading The Runaway Jury on my cell phone these days. I don’t like Nicholas Easter that much. He thinks he owns the air.

Why am I being random and weird like this? I don’t know. Bear with me.

I want chocolate mousse. I really really want it. Oh. Maybe I can try making it tomorrow? Maybe, you know. Maybe i will.

Its Batman’s birthday. Lol.

That didn’t make much sense right? But it did to me. Because you see, I know what I'm talking about.

I’m being lame, and its annoying me. So I'm going to go and make some coffee.

Coffee, I adore you. Lets always be friends okay? =)