Friday, January 29, 2016

Branches of dreams.

I'm sitting under a gazebo with my books. Studying about the urogenital system. It's quite cold. But there's dhoop. And s1 is going on and on and on about her new hair colour.

No one told us that part of growing up would mean that people we knew since childhood would start dying one by one. Your grandparent, someone's father, another celebrity. You grow up and they grow old. Then they die. And life goes on.

Weather widget on my phone says its 3 degrees outside. I'm up early. Me and my badly made cup of coffee. We are up early.  And guess who else is up. People playing cricket in the nearby ground. They're up early. To play cricket. In this cold. I can hear them shout and yell and i love it.

When was the last time I just sat in bed, and spent time on my laptop? It's been a while. And it feels good. I'm sufficiently warm, sufficiently tired, and the sound of rain outside doesn't hurt either. A friend recommended some music. I asked for 'something mellow'. Playing something called Aloha Moon, and sipping green tea. Not bad.

I am increasingly moody. And I have found that anything can stir the heart. Ripples and waves and tsunamis..something or the other will always keep your waves raging. What I yearn for, however, is a deeper, oceanic calm. A certain stillness. That's the goal.

I look at the future and I see an abundance of uncertainty, and fragility. And thunderstorms of the mind. And the heart.

I love the word Ascend. And I have listened to Coldplay more than anything else these past few months. I like to capture memories through writing. Here I am writing about coldplay and vague shit. But when I read this a year from now, I will know exactly what I was doing, what colour my mind was, and how buoyant my heart felt.

Little things can make a great difference. I walked to the ATM today. It was a little late to be out walking on my own, but it oxygenated my brain. And I was grateful for it.

Eventually, we will learn where to draw what lines.

Alright, that is all for now.

Oh and my dad called me Fish after a long time. Aw.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016


My dreams are back. Raging back. For a while everything was vague and foggy. Not anymore. They are bizarre and they are back. With cancer, wars, prisons and .. Ok that sounds disturbing. But then I have exams so what do you expect.

I'm up early. Willy the rooster is being loud as usual. I went out to the balcony to see what my neighbors were up to. I like to observe their mornings.

A friend is here. My breakfast is ready. Since I'm the lazy hobo type, my breakfast consists of instant noodles, protein bar that friend generously threw at me last night, double tea-bag tea and a half eaten macaroon.

I've noticed that a lot of people, when they want something they take it.  Without much regard for anything else. And here you are thinking about how everything you do or say will make them feel. Pfft.

I need my phone to keep beeping if I'm going to be studying late at night. I need that distraction. It's almost 2 and the world is asleep. My world I.e. my small world of people who I can talk to. They're all asleep. So I'm restless.

Today is one of those mornings. I'm too comfortable in my quilt. The lamp is on. I only have exam prep to look forward to. Which is why I'm still in bed.

Came home last night, on a whim, absolutely desperate for a hot shower. And boy was it rejuvenating. S1 bought all this new shower stationery that I got to pick and choose from. I was over joyed. This was followed by coffee, macaroon and warm pj's. Happy sigh.

My mental climate is very different from what it was a few months ago.

I woke up to the sound of rain. Well slept, head full of dreams.
Got a call from mom asking me to open the gate. They brought boneless fish. I waited in the porch for a while breathing in the rain. They came. We ate and laughed. Now I've made myself a mug of coffee and I'm back in the porch. I've stumbled upon a YouTube playlist that has coffee shop songs.
Oh God. What is one to do in weather like this? It makes me feel like I can jump off a building and not even fall.