Saturday, September 21, 2013

You know. Things are going to change. Life will get hard. And just when you feel like you're getting a grasp at it, it will get harder. And you will be pushed a thousand miles out of your comfort zone. There won't be many safety nets left for you to fall back on and you might feel like your life is a never ending downward spiralling whirlpool of shit. 


I think the key to surviving it is to hold on to the few things that keep you sane. And to hold on tight. Because some things and some people you have to take for granted. You have to. Or else there's nothing at all. And who can live like that? I can't. I need my anchor. And as long as I have that, that unrelenting faith, as long as I get to feel what I feel with the people I love, I will have the strength to deal with the brilliant (cantbelieveimsayingthis) f**kery that life is.

And that is all.


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Dead blogs and thought drains.

The blogging world is dead. My obsolete orkut account must have more activity than my dashboard these days. Excusetheexaggeration. But really, what the hell? Where is every body? -___-
Answer me!

Anyway. That being said, time to whine about other things.

Had one of my recurring dreams again today. Crash and burn. I was also a princess and excited to be one. I'm studying about coxsackie viruses and also thinking about what made Sylvia plath put her head in the oven. I'm grateful to God that I have matured enough to feel love for my parents, the kind that breaks my heart. And also for the little nap between a heavy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Mom told me that our old chaukidar baba, as we used to call him is really sick and she was thinking of going to visit him. We spent two minutes reminiscing about him but dropped the topic before either of us could tear up. I was never this prone to allergy. It's like one day I was sleeping and someone injected me with a truck full of IgE antibodies. I'll never be the same. I wish water had caffeine. Yuck. No. Cosmic love. Is exactly the amount of grand I want it to be. And Grace kelly makes me happy like a bird. I've always imagined ichor to be like mercury. Imagine that running through your veins. Do not bring my sour side out my friends. I don't like it either. Teray tun main, teray mun main, teray ghar ko aag lag jaaye, aur tujhe jaag na aaye. Memories. Beautiful and rich. Warm. Like cookies right out of the oven with cream. The brain will take what it can take. Conversations turning into white haze. Fuel and fire. I love the sound a xylophone makes. My cousin used to own one and how envious I was. I still remember the white closet full of all the toys she had. Problem with me is. I try to imagine everybody's life. Get into their skin. Atticus finch, you made an impression. When I was fourteen I read books that I was too young for perhaps. Dad doesn't understand my love for white chocolate and chocolate mint. Oh well.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Bullets 15.

People in general have gone crazy haven't they? With their crazy little bubble worlds. Of course that includes me too but I have always been awesome at crazy.

 I feel like reading a dickens novel infront of a fireplace. Oh God I'm going to love this house in winters. French vanilla except for when it gets really sweet at the end.

 Roomies think I'm nice and responsible at home. They're surprised. But when you love something, someplace, someone so much, how can you be any other way?

I now own an original Dr.Who tshirt and a Sherlock one. I love them both. Also because they were gifts from two different people and I didn't even ask them for it. 

 I'm not a robot and I hate people who want to be robots and do just one thing all day. Fixed routines and clockwork. No thought, no feeling. No new insights.

  I'm having trouble dealing with the transient nature of everything. I think I'm spending too much time trying to hold things together. And it's draining me of energy.

 I want to learn Lucid Dreaming. I'm sure I can do it. I just need to focus. Except that focus is the one thing I badly lack. Well let's see. 

 Can you believe that I've had to reduce my caffeine intake because I feel like all this exogenous energy will burn a hole through my intestines? Yeah, I can't either. 

 I'm growing up and I'm changing. I know this. I can feel it. I know I'm being twisted and moulded right now from all directions and it hurts but it will be for the better. 

 I surprised N on her birthday last week. Along with her boy D and her friends. It was a success. I shopped till late and gave an exam earlier that morning. At night my eyes hurt and I wished for everyday to be like that.

 Empathy. It's the best thing and the worst thing for me really.

Sunday, September 1, 2013


The roomies came back a few days ago. Night before their arrival s2 asked me whether their coming was a good thing or a bad thing. I couldn't really decide then cuz I did like having the room to myself. But then they came and I found that it cheered me up. I'm talking a lot and laughing a lot. I think I needed that.
I have also started to realize that after three years of living together in a room, you can't help but develop a special bond. Somedays I hate them, and I'm sure they do too. But I guess that is allowed. I guess it's a love hate thing.
And unknowingly or knowingly, I don't really know, I have allowed them to know me more than I expected. And maybe it's not so bad.

P.s. And they got me candy and shit. So yeah.