Me: Okay so I have to somehow say all of this in one minute. Drugs like caffeine, theophylline and amphetamine are generally-
*N pours a glass of water over my head*
N: You need to lighten up.
I love teacups. And sherlock holmes. And Titanic. I love coffee and sandwiches. Fat crispy sandwiches. And cinnamon rolls. The coffee shouldn't be too sweet though. Books with names like Richmond and Huxley. And pen and paper. And ink. Yellow old paper that has turned soft. Rooms with minimal furtniture. Study tables. Table lamps. Yellow light. That new bag that I haven't yet bought. With the long chain. Rain. On beautiful rain. At night and in the morning. Bus rides. Window seat. Communication. Long conversations that shake my neurons. Family. Unbreakable bonds. Piano. Instrumentals. Fur Elise. Little beauty boxes with dancing girls. Old disney movies and friendship. Laughter. Uncontrollable senseless laughter. The smell of caramel popcorns inside the cinema. Loose shirts. Shopping. A thousand shirts and pants and shoes and everyday things. Showers. Acid clean. Burgers. And fries. With a drink. Slurp. Little bald girls in frocks. Crazy funny little girls. Thunderstorms. Bicycles. Swimming. Movement. Adrenaline. Life.
You know I've been trying to write in here for some time now. I keep having nice thoughts and little things that I want to write about but then I get distracted. I guess the only time I'm focused enough to write is when I want to whine. How sad. But that's the way it is so must listen to me now.
Okay so. I have this really stupid test tomorrow for which I need to look at some images and I don't have those images and I keep asking people to help me but everybody is dead apparently and I am alone in the world. So I will go to college tomorrow with zero prep and no one will blame me when I fail. Okay? Okay.
Second. It's SO freakin hot these days. It's like the sun wants to enter my face. In class, the A.Cs don't seem to work and I feel like I'm sitting in butter. And there is no oxygen. Only lots and lots of CO2 exhaled by the gazillion other people sitting next to me. Buttery blob of carbon dioxide I sit in.
Third. Im hating college these days. Well, I hate it most days but I mean every single day, I feel like I can't take it anymore. But I know that I have to so I plod on. Dragging my feet. Through butter. And it's not fun. And then there are things that I have to do every day that I don't enjoy and so there's a lot of inertia and most of the times I end up giving in. I don't have it in me now. Bas.
Fourth. Did I tell you that I'm living with N now? I wanted to do a post on living with N. But I suck with words and every time I tried, I ended up erasing it. Bleh. So in short. Living here is fun. Her family is nice. Her mom is just like Mrs. Weasly and she stuffs me with food and reminds me of my mom, which is nice. We listen to a lot of radio in the car, me and N. It's nice. We also go out on walks and talk about things from the heart. I will always remember this. That she and her family took me in when I needed it the most. No questions and no I issues. There is warmth here that I like.
Fifth. I NEED TO GO HOME MAN.
Family shifted to a new house and I haven't even seen it yet. How upsetting.
Sixth. A week or two ago. Me and s2 had this thing with Nd. I talked to him about it and things got really weird and I was very sad and upset about it. But then we met and everything was fine again. The issue was pushed under the rug. I was just glad about things being awesome again. Because I don't have anyone else in my life who is as generous and kind as dependable as him. So it's important for me that things never get ruined with him.
Seventh. N has boy issues. And I don't know how to sort this shit out because nothing that I say or do will make it better because only she and her boy D can do this. And they really need to sort it out. Because it makes me very uneasy because I feel like issues shouldn't exist. When I get a boy, I will show you how it's done.
Eighth. I cut my hair. They were really long and shapeless so I cut most of them. I feel fresh now. Yay.
Ninth. I have no energy. I mean. I always feel like I need an energy drink. Which sucks. You know why? I'll tell you why. It's because you see. When I'm having fun and when I'm around people that k love being around and people who I can talk to and laugh with, I feel alive. I don't feel tired. I mean I do feel tired but I don't feel the need to down a litre of caffeine to stay up. It's when I'm uninspired and surrounded by butter when I feel like I need some externally administered energy. And it's sad because it means that I'm just not happy with ... okay this needs a bullet of its own.
Tenth. I am not happy with where my life is at right now. I am lost. And I am lost in more than one aspects of my life. This is shitty and unacceptable and I hate it. This is not me. I am cheerful and happy. I am the sun. Except im not. I'm actually the rain which is cooler. But yeah you get the point. I don't like being in this state and God help me through June and I will make July awesome. Bas. And okay. I'm done. S2 is about to call me.