Monday, July 31, 2017

Cult of delusion.

I know people say a boring Sunday is a good Sunday, given that it's the one day of the week I get off from work. I get to sleep in and have an elaborate breakfast instead of the hurried one I gobble down every morning in neatly calculated time slots. But I like to have some activity or plan to look forward to on the weekend too. S2 says I'm ungrateful and I don't deserve free time.
 Today started out crappy. By 3 pm I thought to myself. Today is a bad Sunday. I woke up early as usual and while s2 was still asleep I decided to stay in bed and read for a bit. I dozed off again and woke up to s2 telling me that we had relatives over and that we were also out of bread. What? Way to ruin glorious Sunday morning vibes. Nothing is worse than relatives showing up unannounced. So I had to change out of my pjs into respectable clothes and delayed my breakfast till late afternoon. Got lectured by parents for one thing or the other. Didn't get to watch Dunkirk either. Bad Sunday yeah? So I mostly stayed in bed alternating between reading my novel and playing the sims on my phone. I hate it when my sims go to work on Sundays but we need the money so. Moving on. Day started looking up when s1 and A showed up. Anther relative also showed up and everyone got into a political discussion that was of great discomfort to me. Not because it was boring or anything. But because I could physically feel the strain that repeated (but forcefully polite, always polite, no offence) disagreements made worse by the awkward laugh now and then can put on a conversation. It went on for ever. But then food arrived and we moved on to ranting about work and all was well.
Now I'm back in bed and I'm going to probably finish this novel. Good riddance to be honest. There's something suffocating about it that I don't like.
I'm watching Anne with an E these days and Anne reminds me of Phoebe's boyfriend from Friends played by Alec Baldwin. Everything to her is scrumptious and glorious.
Next week is going to be hell. Work is going to be harder than fighting Balrog from the Mines of Moria. Hahaha. I'm so lame it's funny.
Also. I am not fond of abundant and careless expression of affection. Thank you. That will be all for now. 

Friday, July 21, 2017

Kachi meri mitti

I have an itch in my soul
And I love cold rainy days that are blue
I woke up at 7 a.m on a Sunday 
It was so sunny outside I thought it was noon at least, but it wasn't. 
I've moved more these past few years than I have my entire life, nowhere spectacular.
My heart however clings only to one place that is in fact home to me but which too I must let go of sooner or later. 
I had a plate full of cherries the other day and spilled some cherry juice on my shirt and laughed, to which my mom said 'daant dikhanay ki zaroorat nahi hai', because cherry stains don't go away easy.  
Fathers should not be allowed to fall - Figuratively or otherwise. Little else is as heart breaking as that. 
I often wonder if I have any..mettle at all. What am I made of? How will I fare when put to the test? Life has been challenging lately, to say the least. And I can't help but wish I had more substance. More resolve. More groundedness. I wish I wasn't as emotional and I wish I would stop living in retrospect. I wish I would deal with all of this better. 
I write less now because talking about myself does not interest me anymore. But I continue to write as much as I do because I must express myself, however fragmented or incoherent it comes out to be, lest an implosion occurs. 
So yeah.