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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Rant 3.

I've got a number of problems.

I have been sleeping all day. Sd did not come for our study session today. She didn't come yesterday either. I was glad she didn't. But i realize now, that her not coming over to my place at eleven in the morning when I'm drugged with sleep, means no studying for me the entire day. Her not coming over, means me staying in bed till 4 pm. Dragging myself around the house. Dozing off every now and then, till my head and eyes hurt. Finally making coffee after midnight, only to waste the caffeine induced energy doing something that does not even require energy. Like watching a movie that I don't even want to watch. And then finally opening my book and staring at it all the while thinking of matters entirely unrelated to the GIT, which is what I'm trying to study since i first started studying (started trying studying, or whatever). This keeps happening until 4 or 5 am in the morning when i ultimately decide how pointless everything is, close my book, and think myself off to sleep.

What will I do with myself?

The problem is,
I do not study unless I'm forced to, for one reason or another. I need a driving force. I need motivation. But. I don't know where to get it from. Or what form of it i exactly need. I can talk to myself and have a mug of coffee, but that only lasts for fifteen minutes, after which I'm back to square one. I always seem to find something else to do, or think about. Always. Studying, just does not seem to be the most important thing to do. At any time. Which is wrong. Because I'm awfully scared about my exams, which are in a month, and which i am not in the least prepared for. I need to build my concepts. That takes time. I am wasting all the time I have. Soon, there will be no time. Then, I shall panic. I go crazy, when i panic. But that's also when I study the most. But since by that time, there's no time, all the studying I do, doesn't help all that much. Bleh.

From now on, I'll be referring to the city where my college, hostel, and Khala's place is, as the City. And the city where my home is, as the Home.
Speaking of which, I might be going back to the City for a few days. Is it totally weird that I miss the City? When I'm there, I miss Home. When I'm home, i usually do not miss the City, except this time. This time, I kinda miss the City. Doesn't mean, i want to leave Home. No. Home is awesome. But i also, miss the City. City is pretty cool.

I find the Television depressing. The TV shows, the news, the morning shows, the comedy shows, the cooking shows, the ads, everything. Its pathetic. Despicable, more like. Yep, that's the word. Despicable.

Btw, My mom's started treating me like a sick person. She keeps feeding me food. Milk, milkshakes, milk with honey, parathay, eggs, fried stuff, and more and more and more food. Oh. And mangoes. Ten thousand of them. It's killing me. But she is very cute. I find it funny when she gets mad at me for not eating. Ah. Cute.

Also, since I dream so much. I'm going to make another page on my blog. In which i shall write all my dreams that I find absurd. Have fun.

7 comments:

Nur R. said...

TV is pathetic. The only show worth watching is the one with Saima Chaudhry. :D

A. Zahra said...

LOL your rant was fun to read. I don't have any helpful tips for you. Sorry. I've been there. And I've just had to endure it.

The Enigma said...

I really like the dream page idea. I know another blogger who had one and it was pretty interesting.

TV isn't depressing to me, just a waste of time.

Everyone struggles with a lack of motivation at times (unless they're workaholics). You could set a deadline for yourself so you feel the pressure to get what you need done. Get a friend to constantly nag you about your deadline. The best way, however, is to simply get up and just do what you gotta do. Looking up motivation articles on the Internet isn't going to help you. There's this Zen proverb that I read that I'll try to paraphrase:

"Eat when it's time to eat. Work when it's time to work. Sleep when it's time to sleep."

I hope you got the message.

SaJ said...

This blog of yours always makes me want to go anonymous myself.

The Me. said...

Nur: Haha, I don't even watch that =p

Zahra: Haha, I have all kinds of tips and plans and advice for myself, except I don't follow them -__-

Enigma: Like the proverb. I have been doing better since two days now. Yay.
Ah, glad you liked the dream page. At least someone's reading it.

Saj: Aw. (:

Maryam said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean about the studying bit. My online friends and I've made pacts. Video chats, whatsapp, calls, whatever. We force each other to study and keep checks. Believe me its the only thing that got me through.

The Me. said...

Maryam: Haha. I'm trying too. But nobody really keeps a check on me -__-