D-Day: Aftermath.

Hi. Its over. It really is. The result's out tomorrow but i can't be worried about that. I'm just basking in the freedom for today. And how did it go you ask? It went fine! I did a lot of guesswork in the MCQ’s. If they turn out to be right, then yayy. And if not, then God help me =o . Anyway. Whatev. Its OVER. I'm free for like, I don't know two months or something. I don't know. But whatever. I'm FREE! I feel good. *I feeel goood. tanananana. So goood. So goood. I feeel good. Tanananaa*.
Yeah okay. Anyway.
I'm tired. I slept for only about 3 hours today once i got home.
I'm in S1's room nowadays. I like it here. I'm using her laptop. I'm owning it. For now. =>

So okay. I feel very peaceful today. And I feel really great because my People were very kind to me during the whole abnormally insane stressed out phase I went through. S2 texted me all day everyday telling me positive things to think about. And then called me to whitewash all my black thoughts. S1 gave me advices on how to better attempt the paper. She talked to me the night before the exam and told me it was okay if I messed up. My friend N, tried to comfort me as best as she could, keeping it real all the while. She made me laugh by suggesting that I take a sleeping pill to help me sleep, when I told her I couldn't sleep, the night before the exam. Haha. She was serious. And she gave me and my stupid exam more importance even though she herself had a big test to prepare for. Its tomorrow. And Sd, who was with me through all of this. She was giving the same exam. We unloaded our stress on each other 20 times a day and then consoled each other with optimistic thoughts that we weren't really thinking (or believing) at that point. Haha. My other friends, Z and Mp, who said they prayed for me and were the first ones to ask me how it went when i got home.
And. My parents. The Awesome Ones. I think I shall call them The Awesome Ones from now on. I think. Okay. Lame. But no. They are awesome. My dad kept telling me it was okay, and I always did good and I would do the same this time. He awkwardly hung around the room trying to comfort me during one of my weeping episodes. And Mom. Who treated me like a baby. And prayed for me and prayed for me and prayed for me some more. And asked dad to bring me cream rolls. :)
And my Naano. Whose the funniest. Whose so old but she remembered the date of my entrance exam, and called to wish me goodluck and asked my mom to gimme two kissies. And said all kinds of funnycrazycute things that old people say.
Weeeeeeee.
Yeah so thats it. That ^^ , is why I feel nice.
So okay. Ima watch a moofie now or something. Fun.
I wear a Halo of awesomeness over my head.

D-Day.

5:47 a.m. D-Day.
The past two days have been THE most stressful days of my life. And it's all yet to be over. I've cried and been sad and felt hopeless and stressed out and more stressed out. Its just an exam. But its THE exam. There's been so much build up for this. That now that its just hours away, I'm afraid to face it. I'm afraid to fail. And I'm scared of letting everybody down. Especially myself. I know even if I don't make it (Allah na karay =\), I'll end up somewhere fine. But I just raelly really want this. I really do. And I've prayed and everyones prayed too. I trust God, but I don't trust myself. I keep forgetting everything. Argh. I won't talk about it right now.
I have to get ready at 6. I haven't slept a minute all night. I tried. Couldn't. That's okay. I give all my exams sleepless. But this one's just the Mother of all exams! Hahah.
Oh God.
I've stopped studying. There are many things i can study and revise right now, but I'll freak out if i open my books again. Im fasting. It's going to be a long day.
I've NEVER freaked out so much about any exam. Ever. I'm always so chill the day of the exam. I laugh, and enjoy the whole thing. But this time, its just different. I can't laugh. I want to. I want to feel like I can DO THIS. I'm thinking positive.
I'm going to run on the treadmill now for some. Exercise. Endorphins. Feel good thingies. I need.
5:53 a.m.
I should go exercise now. I don't want to stop writing though.
Okay. I will.
I'll tell you all how it went. I hope it goes great. :D It HAS TO. It just does. God's with me. So. Like. HAS TO.
Bye.

Stupid little feeling, a pome.

Stupid feeling in the stomach, please go away
I'm sick of you now, you've been here all day

Cuz i need some focus, i need some calm
you help just a little, you do more harm

I was happy in the morning, then you ruined my mood
now nothing can make it better, not ice cream nor food.

Im an optimistic person, and i deal fine with stress
But you, you dirty little feeling, are too much I guess.

You make me feel annoyed, frustrated and mad
you make me feel helpless, hopeless and sad.

I shouldn’t ‘ve written a pome for you, cuz you aint so dear,
Insert a rhyming word here, like tear, near or fear.

Ok bye now stupid little feeling in the stomach,
you deserve an abrupt ending.

Meltdown.

I’m having a meltdown. It started last night. And it hasn’t ended. I’m scared. Very. There’s so much to do. So much to remember. So much to practice. So much! Its just too much! I don’t know what I'll do. I’ve been studying good since then but maybe that's not enough now. I’m scared.  I’ve texted everyone. To somehow, unload it off me. But it hasn’t quite helped. Because I already know what everyone's gonna say. I’d say the same things to someone else if they had a meltdown. But I’m not convinced. I’m scared. Continuously. Its not going away. It just won’t.

I just want God, dear dear dear DEAR God to get me through this. =[

Please.

The Lord of the Rings. And flies.

I love The Lord of The Rings. The trilogy. All of it. Its so grand. Its genius. How can you write all that? People can be so awesome sometimes. Anyway. I remember when I was reading the novel, I became obsessed with it. I started to envy them little hobbits travelling around all the time, and eating only bread and things on the way. So. What did I do? I started eating bread. No, not bread. Bun. I started eating plain bun everyday. Specially in the morning. It felt good. I felt like a traveler too. An adventurer. Who needed nothing but a little bun every morning to get through the adventures of the day. Haha. Who am i kidding? I didn't feel any of that. I grew sick of the bun pretty soon.

I wonder what the basic human instinct is. Um. No, basic human nature. I wonder if it is To love, or to kill\overpower the other? I used to believe in the former. But then I read the Lord of the Flies. And it convinced me otherwise. And now, a couple of years later, I'm kinda confused. I can't make up my mind about it. But then, I haven't really given it too much thought. Maybe I'll figure it out someday.

Btw, I didn't mean to mention the Lord of the Rings and the Lord of the Flies together in the same post. Its only a coincidence. True story.

Okay bye.

I flew a helicopter.

I’ve shifted back to my red room again. I went to Sd’s place today. Her younger brother had this toy helicopter that you could fly with a remote control.

This is about what happened:

Stupid helicopter.

Bye.

Amazing and useless.

Hey you.

My friend Sd came over today. In the morning. I was sleepy and grumpy like ~___~ . We had to study together. So we did. And we studied good. Cuz I don’t study before aftari when I’m on my own. Neither does she. So we decided to do it together so that we’d keep each other awake and fresh and all that. So. I was really exhausted today. Then my A.C pretended to not work. I was really upset. But then it stopped pretending. Then I was happy.

I had coffee over an hour ago. I'm fresh. I'm studying. I'm watching Rookie Blue. Its a new show. I watch stuff while I'm studying. Keeps me active.

Msn Messenger is not working. Im using ebuddy instead. Ebuddy is nice. And you know. The iphone usb cable im using? Its fake. The real one is still with s2. And the fake one is giving me a tough time >.< . Its so hard to charge it. Ima beg a friend tomorrow to lend me her cable =) .

I downloaded an iPhone app. I love it. Have a look:

It has 36 novels in total. I wish I could read all of them. But I only have the phone till Eid. –.- So Hmph. But whatever, I’ll buy real novels after I'm done with my test. So that trumps everything. Yay.

I've noticed something. My comments per post are decreasing as my number of followers is increasing. =s . Yes. Its happening. No fair right? –.-

Btw. Dolphins sleep with one eye open. Insecure people.

Enjoy.