Roads we choose.

I feel stupid, and emo-like. I don't like feeling like that. But then who does?

 Well, actually, some people do. That self pitying miserable mopey lot that has become so used to playing the Victim in life, that they refuse to be anything else. No matter how hard you try to help them. They won't accept it. They'll dig up problem after problem after problem from their self created Landfill of problems and dump it on you one by one, or all at once if they're in a particularly cheerful mood. And, you, the ever empathic friend, will try to help them out, like you should. You will listen to them, talk to them, give them advice, heck you'll even come up with a magic solution , put it on a plate, add a cherry on top, and serve it to them, but no. That still won't do. Because that is not what they want. That is not what they're looking for. Try telling them that you understand. No, they won't have that either. How can you ever understand what I'm going through? Don't tell me you do. You know nothing. Oh then don't come to me if I know nothing. They don't want your advice, or your help, or anything kind of optimistic input from you, what they really want is your stupid pity and your 'oooh you have so many problems, ooh you're so brave to be dealing with all these unsolvable problems, ooooh you're so cool and mysterious, oooh i can't imagine...' well you get the point. And then you have the Enablers, who will say exactly the kind of stuff that encourages this stupidity. I mean, these people, they get a sort of, sense of achievement from this. As if, having more problems, or having a suckier life than you somehow makes them better than you maybe? Or, i don't know, makes them feel like a hero or something inside, subconsciously. I can't really explain it.  Problem is, they just like their black bubble of pessimism. Its cozy. It's comfortable. It's black. And they love it. And no matter what you do or say, that is where they'll stay.

Point is, (yes, there is a point to all of this - i think), I'm not one of those people. I like being happy. I enjoy being at peace with myself.  And that's my natural state of being. My bubble, is light blue. And airy. Like it's supposed to be. I mean, everyone has problems. I do too. Who doesn't? And i have bad days, like everyone else. Black days too. But i get out of it. Because it's ugly, being in that sad miserable state where you don't like anything or anyone. It annoys me. And i don't like staying in it any longer than i have to, no matter how tempting it is to eat like a dog and stay under your blanket forever until all your problems go away. We all do it once in a while, and it's alright, as long as you do intend to get back on your feet again after you've had your vacation from reality.

Anyway, I've been sort of stuck in a weird dull blurry grey phase lately. And it's bothering me. I know why i feel the way i do, and i know what will make it better. But you can't always have what you want, when you want it. There are factors to be considered. So yeah. Stuck. And annoyed. Which, i think was the point of this post originally. Since i couldn't do anything else, I decided to rant about it. And listen to Grace Kelly by Mika. It makes me happy. The weirdest songs can make you happy sometimes.

I think that is all for now.

p.s. The post title is a song I'm listening to right now.