Letting Go.

Very rarely, at the hostel, do I manage to get some Me time. Its one of those times. Me times. r1's out shopping for Lawn. Yeah, summer's just around the corner. And r2's sleeping. I'm in my bed and I have the laptop all to myself. For atleast an hour or so. I just finished this huge bowl of Noodles. Maggie. I added more water than I should've. Diluted out the flavor. Bleh. Atleast I'm full. And that's what matters.

Losing a cellphone that you've had for more than two years, sucks. It really does. All of a sudden, I lost contact with all my people. My sim was gone. I couldn't continuously whatsapp my friends. I couldn't check Facebook whenever I wanted to. I couldn't google every little thing that came up in my head. I couldn't call N after midnight. I couldn't Youtube useless crap before sleeping. I couldn't write down lengthy notes on my awesome Light Notepad app about what was on my mind. More than anything. I couldn't go through my picture gallery of over 2000 images, and go all 'awww. good times :'] '. I just couldn't. Because it was all gone. And that made me sad.

But. It also left me feeling somewhat..liberated. Its interesting how you think you can't do without something, but then when it's taken away. You somehow manage anyway. I've just realized, over the past few weeks, how insignificant so many things that we revolve our lives around are. People, posessions, problems. They're insignificant. They come. They go. They leave a mark. They don't leave a mark. They don't matter as much. I think the only people who matter are those who're going to stick around. Those, you gotta hold on to. Everything else, you have to Let Go. And that's what my plan is. To Let Go of all the unimportant things/people in my life. Not cut them out of my life or throw them away, but to just, not let them matter to me as much. Why worry, yknow? Why waste yourtime on something that's not even worth it? You gotta know the difference. Its not easy though. Especially for a worrier like me. But i'm going to try.

On a lighter note. I miss watching movies. I miss knowing everything there was to know about every new movie that came out. Now, there's no time. I'm watching The count of Monte Cristo right now. Which reminds me of how much in love I am with Little Women. Weird that I haven't even read the book, yet there was something about that movie that just reached out to me. I don't know. I loved it. And that's that.

r2's alarm just went off. I think I need to wrap up now. Don't want to.

Oh btw, home was very homey this time that i visited. I didn't wanna come back. I wanted to spend more time with the Parents. The night before leaving, I felt such strong, overwhelming love for them. Didn't know what to do. So i did nothing. Haha. But no seriously. Ah. Okay. Whatever.

Another thing. I. Have. The. WORST. Memory. Ever.
I mean. I don't even know if its a memory thing. I've just become Careless. And that is an understatement. I've become SO careless with my things, its not even funny. First I lost my phone, which was stolen actually, but if i had kept it in a safe place like any normal person would have, it wouldn't have been stolen, so yeah, sort of my fault. Then I ALMOST misplaced my bag in college today. Left it in a room which is notorious for having stuff stolen from it. And I can't even beign to describe what was in it. Money, Original NIC, and what not. I suck. I almost lost s2's earphones the other day. I lose everything. :( I NEED to focus more. And be more responsible. Enough of the carelessness. -____________-
Somebody shoot me.

I shall go now. I think my tempo's broken.
B.

Chapter 20.

Turned Twenty 53 minutes ago.

Got a nice little day planned for tomorrow. Nothing big, nothing loud.

My friends made collages for me. Really cute ones. Im touched.

I know I'm missing out on a lot of wishes because no one really knows my new number. They're all texting me on my old number, on my old phone, that's stolen and far away. That makes me a little sad. But oh well.

Aah. The twenties.
Here I come.

Of the past two weeks.

A lot happened these past two weeks.

First. My phone got stolen. Today. From the hostel. I can't believe a girl, a student, studying medicine, would actually steal a phone. That's just low.
I feel paralyzed. It had over 2000 pictures in it. Memories. It had notes. That i'd written over time. Happy and sad ones. They're all gone. Just like that. Ah.

We had Literary Week at college, and then Sports Week. It was fun. Because studies were at a minimum. And me and the roomies decided to join the Aerobics group for the Sports day. There was some hardcore last minute practice and guess what. We won. Winning's the best.

Went out a lot this past week. Had good food. Finally went to Joyland and took my favourite rides. The meanest ones. Came back with bruises. Awesome.

Weird things also happened. Which i won't be writing much about. But yeah they did. Annoying things happened, and frustrating things happened. And then I was sad and angry. But oh well. Okay.

Im home btw. Just reached. About an hour ago. Its supposed to be a short trip. I've decided to not expect much from it. My short trip, i.e. I just want it to be short and sweet. And that's that.

Wonderwall.

I don't care how many times i repeat the same happy shit on my blog about how awesome life is. I'm still going to do it.

I'm still going to write about it, because no matter how many times, i say it, it's not enough. Right now, i feel grateful. There's exploding happyness and then there's explosing gratefulness. And i'm experiencing the latter right now.

I'm lucky. I'm lucky to be here right now. To have parents so awesome, they TCS me badminton rackets from back home just because i told them i felt like playing Badminton the other day. To have friends back home who still make an effort to stay in touch. To have managed to find, and actually be friends with the only sane group of girls in my college. To have my khala's place to go to every weekend, to catch up with s2, and take some time off from the hostel/college atmosphere. To finally live in the same city as N so that we're able to hang out and have sleepovers at her place.

God, i'm grateful.

People have forgotten how to be happy. I don't know many happy people. I'm glad i'm happy. Helplessly happy. Like Ayn Rand says,

"Its not that i don't suffer, it's that i know the unimportance of suffering.."

I believe exactly that. You suffer, yes. But why do you have to let it take over you? To let it be more important than all the good things in life? I feel blue. I take my time. I deal with it. And then it goes away. Because i can't take sadness. I hate feeling that way. It's not how one's supposed to feel.

Aah. Anyway.
I gotta go do some work now.
byebye.

P.s. Wonderwall's playing in the background.
And its raining outside.

February.

This is my 300th post. Clapping. Okay. Moving on.

I have the worst flu ever. It started as the usual 5 minute sneeze attack that i get, everytime i get out of bed or go out of the room ( i think it happens because of temperature change). But then, it got worse. And now my forehead and head and nose and everything feels heavy and watery and awful. A friend of mine's making soup for me. Knorr Chicken and Ginger. I hope its good.
So i'll have soup, and then ima go out in search of hot water. I hope i find hot water. Boiling hot water. Scalding hot water.

*after a while*

Okay. I had the soup. My bowl had more ginger than chicken. So r2 gave me some of her's. She had more chicken. So i had it. Then i went to take a shower with only moderatoly hot water. Sad. Had food. And now i'm in bed again. Im going to have coffee soon. Because i need to stay up to complete my Histo diagrams. I want to sleep. I want to sleep all day, and all night, and only wake up for a nice walk outside or a cozy wintery movie. But that's not happening. So. Whatever.

I love this time of the year. I love February. I don't want it to end. I want to hold on to it. Because after this, summers start. And tests start. And exhaustion starts. Februaryyy. Don't leave meh. Pliss?

I also have to complete my Anatomy sketchbook. The labelling's left.

I miss watching death note.
I hate the fact that my Behavioural Sciences professor sucks. He's useless. Bummer.
I had orange juice today. Had salt it it. Why did it have salt in it? I didn't like that.

I feel feverish. This is a pretty whiny post. Its a comfort post. Like comfort food. But i don't have ice cream right now. I would like some Pasta however. Or noodles with sausages.

*at night*

So its 1 20 a.m. And im done with my histo diagrams. And the sketchbook. I've taken my meds. Brushed my teeth. Talked to the parents. And now i'm in bed.

Goodnight, world.

A case of exploding happiness.

I don't remember the last time the weather was THIS pretty. I don't. I'm walking in the hostel grounds. There's cold wind blowing constantly. In my hair and on my face and i can't feel my hands anymore. It smells of rain. A few drops fall infrequently. There's something so infectiously fresh about this wind. I can't describe it. Im on my own. With headphones on. Hot noodles and Little women (the movie) await me in my room upstairs. I love this. I could explode. I'm just. Glad to be alive. Right now. In this moment.
This shit is magical.
And i can't contain it.

p.s. All that's missing is Subway's Roasted Beef sub. I could kill for one right now.
Also, i watched When Harry met Sally last night. I liked it.

Disconnected.

I hate parlors. Beauty Parlors or Salons or whatever you want to call them. I don't trust them. They always find a way to mess you up. Whatever you want them to do, they'll either overdo it or under-do it or do something that they're not supposed to do. They're hateful. Okay? Okay. Anyway.

What I actually want to talk about is how Disconnected I feel these days. Disconnected. Could not have found a more appropriate word. Like today. I was sitting in the college auditorium, in that dark dingy auditorium, watching girls practice their dance for the Welcome Party. And I thought to myself. 'Wth am I doing here?' I'm not interested or motivated to do anything at college. Because nothing seems worth the effort. Really. It doesn't. I'm not bothered. Just not bothered. [A cat just started crying in the corridor. Loser won't shut up >.<]
The problem is, I WANT to be bothered. I WANT to give a shit. I want to be involved with something that I give a shit about for a change. Something I'd actually want to take responsibility for, and work for, till i get it done. But no. Doesn't happen. Not here it doesn't. Here, shit goes on. Which I find uninteresting. And stale. And pointless.

So anyway. The good thing that happened was. W came to the auditorium, while i was there. And poked me (I dozed off during the whole dance-practice-watching-thing). I told her how bored I was and how i wanted to leave and work for an NGO right away. In return, she suggested that we go out. I was like, Out where? And she said. Out. Anywhere, just Out. And my sleep went away. We got up and left college. And started walking. To nowhere really. On our way to Nowhere really, W asked me if I wanted to go visit the church nearby. I almost jumped with excitement, considering how I've always wanted to go check that church out but no one ever agreed to come with. So. We went to look for the Church. Found the church. Also found out that it only opens on Saturdays (whats up with that? =\). Took a picture of it. Found out about a tiny school for kids that's inside the same building. And came back to college just in time for the next class. I felt great. Just to have gone out. And to have acted on a whim. =] I felt better.
So me and W have decided that we're going to go to a new place every week or two. From college. It shall be FUN. Yay. I've threatened to slit her throat if she ditches me. So. Yeah. Little things. Are awesome.

Also. I am either Overestimated or Underestimated. What is up with that? But then again, isn't everybody? Somewhat. Oo. I read this article on Cupid and Psyche. Their story. Was insteresting. Oh awesome. I have my second Behavioural Sciences class tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. That's the only class that I actually look forward to. So it better be good.

Im using r1's laptop, and its running out of battery. So i better go.
More later.
Buhbye.

During the lecture.

During the Embryology lecture, i'm reading something on my cellphone.

W: What are you reading?

Me: umm. Three things. A blog, quotes of Albert Camus and a random article on Wikipedia on Psyche.

W: Become a pigeon.

Me: ...