Cat hair.

 *fingers crossed* 

This is my sixth attempt to write a blogpost in the past two months. The other five are rotting in the Drafts section. I'll try to write and quickly publish before I can have a second thought.

What prompted me to write however was a feeling of bliss. Slightly melancholic, yet bliss nonetheless. 

Its 10 am and its just me in the house. Living alone can do wonders for your soul. I think I want to do this for longer but these few days are all I have. Anyway, coming back to what prompted me to write. Just a tummy full of yummy breakfast. A steaming cup of tea. The rain is loud and fat outside. Dim lights. Cold room. Chocolate covered almonds. And Only murders in the building. This show has pleasantly surprised me. I'm quite enjoying it. Just heard some thunder. This moment is perfect. Hence, the urge to write. And maybe save.

I've always enjoyed being on my own to be honest. Such liberation. I'm glad that hasn't changed. With time and trouble. There is a reunion of sorts happening inside me. Meeting parts of myself again. The ones I didn't have time for, amidst deadlines and dread. I'm walking again. And practicing yoga whenever I can. I think, maybe, lately everything has been an exercise in some way to meet myself. The old and the new. I love both. Both are me. 

I have this urge to write and write and write. Imperfect words all of them. All my disjointed thoughts. I feel I must describe everything. 

Gratitude comes easy. Peace somehow doesn't. I mean. Sometimes all this emotion. I wish I could dial it down. Just sometimes. Enough so that I don't have to google my cat's feelings and cry over them. Or enough to feel like I do deserve the boundaries i struggle to create. 

My tea is getting cold. I do hope I go outside and spend some time on the porch. Dim lights are nice, but nothing beats daylight. I smile as i type this. Because I had a sticky note next to my bed back when I lived at the hostel. It said 'Nothing beats daylight'. I'm glad some things never change.

Isn't it funny how. Love without action can be quite useless? I have an abundance of love inside me. But imparting it, often exhausts me beyond capacity. If only feeling it were enough. What a world that would be. But i guess. Good things don't come easy. This just reminded me of the Work and energy principle we studied in physics. I just googled it and look what i found :

A person that holds a heavy object does no physical work because the force is not moving the object through a distance. Work, according to the physics definition, is being accomplished while the heavy object is being lifted but not while the object is stationary. 

Well. Well. I guess holding all the love doesn't amount to shit. You gotta keep it moving. That's when the work happens.

Okay I think that's enough for today. Pressing Publish. Yes!