Saturday, April 9, 2016

So you think you can tell.

All day my phone said 'Thunderstorms' where the weather forecast is supposed to be and i kept thinking my phone has gone cuckoo. Or maybe it was just trying to suck up to me because believe me, 'thunderstorms' is exactly what i like to see in my weather forecast. And i think my phone knows that considering the number of times I've taken screenshots of my homescreen when it said thunderstorms. But turns out, phone is not cuckoo, it was just early. It started to rain around 5 pm and hasn't stopped since. I stayed inside, initially because every time it rains, my body, especially my chest, especially my heart seems to fill up with helium. And a restless kind of helium, an urging kind. It urges me to get up and do something, but there never really is anything to do. I mean, yes. More often than not, when it rains, i go and walk out, i listen to music, i drink coffee with a nice dessert, i make plans with people and so on. Why do i do these things? To gain some sort of satisfaction of doing the weather justice. 'It rained, so this is what i did'. doesn't feel complete. Nothing really gets rid of the helium. The urge. A few months ago, me and N spent the entire day out while it rained. We had a chance to catch up, i looked nice, i had a seafood platter that wasn't half bad, we listened to good music, we had my favourite dessert. We drove around. It was great. But still. Helium. It sort of dies down as the day goes by but not because of something i did. Because whatever i do, it doesn't touch the Helium. No sir.
So i stayed inside at first while it rained, but then i went out and the smell, oh the smell. I had to be out. So i made some green tea, took a huge umbrella and went out to walk. The light was out and there was no one home. I'm not an umbrella kind of person but i took it anyway, for a change. And it was good. I listened to some music and imagined imaginary situations that are nothing more than imaginations. And then i came inside. The neighbors are having a live music show of some sort. A guy is singing. I hear people making the noise they make in social situations. Is there a name for that? Don't think so. There should be a name for that sound. Of small talk. Glasses clinking. Kids running. An occasional laughter. And so on. So i heard them make this sound while the smell of bbq found its way to me, and i imagined them having a good time. I also imagined them having kashmiri chai. I would kill for kashmiri chai right now. I asked dad to bring bbq on the way back, and he did because he's a cutie at heart. We had that and then i served some yogurt and strawberries which he didn't like but i loved. I accidentally read 'bowtie' as 'bouty'. Heh.

Confusion and discontentment arise from the mistaken belief that we are a noun. Contentment is realized when we stop swimming against the stream and settle into the fact that we are a current in the stream. The current is not other than the stream. It is the movement of the stream.

Read this somewhere the other day and liked it.

I think I will be writing a lot. Brain vomit, psych rant, whatever you want to call it. Except I don't think i will be writing anything of substance. Just spooning the froth off my coffee mug and spilling it out here. Which reminds me, oddly..

That i like the word 'Decant'. It makes me think of the sound a heavy glass makes when its put on a table made of wood. Hmm. The glass is not too heavy.

That is all for now.

1 comment:

Eidothia said...

This was one honest rant!