Saturday, February 27, 2016

Every day is a bookmark.

I'm sitting on a wall. Wearing my warmest hoodie. And sipping green tea. The wind is cold. Spiked with nostalgia. The kind that leaves you missing a place you haven't even left yet.

One of my favourite things to do is to walk around the city doing touristy things with V. It makes you feel more connected, more alive. I wish I could do it more. Walking around i.e. And that more people would do it with me. They should.

N picked me up today and as we sat at a cafe, cross legged, struggling with a nutella+almond topped bun, I told her how overwhelmed I feel with life these days. There is so much that needs to be done and felt and expressed and absorbed, I don't know where or how to begin. All I know is that I'm stumbling through this bittersweet chaos and eventually things will settle down. But i am restless now and I will be restless then.

Isn't it absolutely wonderful that one of my biggest worries these days is that a number of people are upset with me because I haven't spent enough time with them? It's driving me insane but mostly in a 'thanktheLordforblessingmeso' kind of way.

I'm covered with five layers of dust shed by memories that I spent all day packing into boxes. I will now wash it all off until i smell of seven different cleaning products. Get in bed. Sip green tea. (Which has become such an essential part of my relaxing routine btw). And colour in my new colouring book. Heart is heavy.

I turned 24 recently. My plan was to keep it mellow. I thought, lunch with friends, dinner with family that sort of thing. But turns out, my people are kind of amazing. There was so much more than anything i had expected or planned.
I often wonder what I've done to deserve all this love and comfort that I've now become so used to. I'm not a very expressive person. I'm not quite affectionate either. But I have people doing things for me and spoiling me in ways that overwhelm me. I think some people are tested with hardship. And others are tested with ease. And when there is ease, it must not be taken for granted. One must give back. To keep things balanced. And that is what I shall do.

Alright that is all for now.

1 comment:

Ruba Zahid said...

You are an extremely lucky person to have been blessed with ease, Masha Allah.😊 And I so agree, life is very overwhelming especially when you have these amazing people around you. 😊