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Sunday, February 3, 2013

*Big bullets.

- I wake up at 6:20 a.m every morning in search of hot water for my shower. I usually find it because no one really wakes up that early for a shower. I do though. And even though it kills me to get out of bed on a cold grey winter morning when not only my roomates but the entire corridor is asleep, that steaming hot water and that long selfish shower that follows is just worth it. And so I wake up. Every morning. While it's still dark outside. To have those twenty or so minutes of bliss. And I can't complain.

- My throat is sore from all the coughing.  R2 fed me some cough syrup but that hasn't helped. Everyone's sleeping. The room is dark. My head hurts but I refuse to take yet another pain killer. I've grown quite fond of pain killers lately. Must stop popping a pill every time some part of my body hurts. Must not turn into a junkie.

- Buckethead always soothes me btw. It's good study music. Not that I've been studying much lately, but it helps me focus. It helps me drown out my surroundings. 

- I feel like I haven't been doing anything with my life lately. I'm a little yellow leaf that goes wherever the wind takes it. Indifferent to everything, I am sleeping my life away. Literally. And that is because of a lack of motivation. Lack of drive. There's no force pulling me or pushing me towards a single direction. I'm dispersed and distracted. I was talking to Nd about something, and he was like

Nd: Aim for it, and it's doable.
Me: I'll get distracted.
Nd: By what?
Me: I don't know.. the next day.

Which is true. One day, i have goals and aims and all the focus i need. The next day, not so much. Very changeable, i am. Sigh. The other day this senior at college came up to me and asked me why i wasn't yet a part of the Literary Society. I was like. I don't know. And she's like. You should join. We need good people. I can see that you'd be good at it. And i told her that i hate responsibilities and I suck at deadlines. But she asked me to join anyway. Made me feel good.

- I feel more and more Thirteen everyday. And that is not a good thing.

- I saw an autopsy the other day. Unidentified body found on the railway tracks. Train accident. Head so badly bashed, they had trouble orienting it with the neck. A piece of the jaw was totally separated and lying next to the head. What's weird was how detached i felt watching it all. For me, it's all flesh and bones and blood. What does affect me however, is an unmutilated body. Untouched and intact. Yet without a pulse. Without that essence of life that separates the living from the dead. The subtle differences. Those are the things that scare me.

Ah. Anyway. Enough with the morbid talk. I should get some studying done.
I'm going to miss the winter sky.


7 comments:

SaJ said...

It's back. The winter sky.
Also, cold babies? Rreally?!

Aqsa said...

I can somehow relate to this post!

The Me. said...

Saj: yes it is. You have no idea how happy it makes me. And cold babies? Cold babies are the best. You have been reading some old posts haven't you?

Aqsa: hopefully not the weird angsty parts. :)

The Me. said...

Saj: yes it is. You have no idea how happy it makes me. And cold babies? Cold babies are the best. You have been reading some old posts haven't you?

Aqsa: hopefully not the weird angsty parts. :)

Ally said...

next time try the cough syrup with hydrocodone in it, its called tussionex i belive! and how have you been!?

The Me. said...

ally: hey you. my cough's all better now thanks (:
iiiive been good. and bad and everything else. You tell. got married? how's that going? (:

Ally said...

Its great! =D I don't have any motivation to continue the blog anymore, may be someday i will!! Good to know your cough is gone! :)