Hate is a strong word.

I hate a lot of little things. And big things. For instance.

When people exaggerate. And over react to a situation.  And blow things out of proportion by a mile. I mean. Why can't you take something for what it is? As s1 said the other day. Call a spade a freakin spade for goodness sake. No its not a fork. Nor is it a supersonic giant excavator that digs up gold from underneath the earth. It is a spade. And that is all.

I hate it when people impose their twisted opinions on other people.

I hate self righteous people. Myself being an exception. Understandably.

I hate it when people are extremely nice to me for no reason and then assume that I owe them something.

I hate not having a place to myself anymore. Not being able to spend any Me time. I hate being around people ALL the time.

I hate it when cats block my way.

I hate it when someone asks me to do something and then edits what I've done which makes it not mine and that pisses me off.

I hate watching people struggling to keep their eyes open for things that are not worth staying awake for. I hate it when people are half asleep but they keep denying it for no reason.

I hate it when people lie to themselves and to me.

I hate it when I'm trying to unplug the shower by poking a needle in all it's tiny holes and having a string of water seep down into my sleeve while doing so.

I hate dreaming of insects.

I hate people talking to me when I'm busy and clearly not listening to what they're saying.

I hate it that Sherlock episodes don't come out often enough.

I hate going for a viva unprepared.

I hate it when it rains outside and I sit inside doing nothing.

I hate the night before a test. It makes me hate everything.

Act 21.

Turned 21 yesterday.

It's a special feeling when people you love, people from different parts of your little world get together and go out of their way to make that one day of the year special for you. When everything is about you. You just cant help but feel loved. And cherished. And cared for.  It's's absolutely wonderful.

Celebrated two things this weekend. With people I love. And ive yet to spend a weekend with N. Can't wait.

Today.

Today was a good day.
And there haven't been too many of those lately. So I'm grateful. And need to record this. So that I can read this and smile sometime in the future when the day hasn't been kind to me.

P.s. Oh. And yesterday was pretty great too.
Cheers.

Morning high

Woke up around 8 a.m. Heard the wind outside. Got out of the bed, straight to the balcony and waited for the wind to wake my brain up. Then went outside to the ground and walked in the wind for about thirty minutes. Got a text from r1 that breakfast was ready. Came inside and had tea with yummy cream cheese sandwich and eggs. Then it started raining. Hard. With hail. Ran outside with the roomies. Got drenched. Took my shoes and socks off. Had my feet frozen. Borrowed a clerk's bicycle. Cycled in the rain. Petrichor. And the scent of fresh paint. Laughed. Came back inside.

Right now in this moment. Life is good.

*Big bullets.

- I wake up at 6:20 a.m every morning in search of hot water for my shower. I usually find it because no one really wakes up that early for a shower. I do though. And even though it kills me to get out of bed on a cold grey winter morning when not only my roomates but the entire corridor is asleep, that steaming hot water and that long selfish shower that follows is just worth it. And so I wake up. Every morning. While it's still dark outside. To have those twenty or so minutes of bliss. And I can't complain.

- My throat is sore from all the coughing.  R2 fed me some cough syrup but that hasn't helped. Everyone's sleeping. The room is dark. My head hurts but I refuse to take yet another pain killer. I've grown quite fond of pain killers lately. Must stop popping a pill every time some part of my body hurts. Must not turn into a junkie.

- Buckethead always soothes me btw. It's good study music. Not that I've been studying much lately, but it helps me focus. It helps me drown out my surroundings. 

- I feel like I haven't been doing anything with my life lately. I'm a little yellow leaf that goes wherever the wind takes it. Indifferent to everything, I am sleeping my life away. Literally. And that is because of a lack of motivation. Lack of drive. There's no force pulling me or pushing me towards a single direction. I'm dispersed and distracted. I was talking to Nd about something, and he was like

Nd: Aim for it, and it's doable.
Me: I'll get distracted.
Nd: By what?
Me: I don't know.. the next day.

Which is true. One day, i have goals and aims and all the focus i need. The next day, not so much. Very changeable, i am. Sigh. The other day this senior at college came up to me and asked me why i wasn't yet a part of the Literary Society. I was like. I don't know. And she's like. You should join. We need good people. I can see that you'd be good at it. And i told her that i hate responsibilities and I suck at deadlines. But she asked me to join anyway. Made me feel good.

- I feel more and more Thirteen everyday. And that is not a good thing.

- I saw an autopsy the other day. Unidentified body found on the railway tracks. Train accident. Head so badly bashed, they had trouble orienting it with the neck. A piece of the jaw was totally separated and lying next to the head. What's weird was how detached i felt watching it all. For me, it's all flesh and bones and blood. What does affect me however, is an unmutilated body. Untouched and intact. Yet without a pulse. Without that essence of life that separates the living from the dead. The subtle differences. Those are the things that scare me.

Ah. Anyway. Enough with the morbid talk. I should get some studying done.
I'm going to miss the winter sky.