Versus.

I'm here in the other city. I'm up on the terrace. Dragged an office chair out and here I am. Sitting in silence. I can smell tea being made somewhere nearby. I can hear women conversing in a language - fuck. A mosquito just bit me. This isn't worth it. I'm going inside. 

 This has been a month of catching up with old friends. Its a joy to know that we are able to talk for hours after not talking for years. After quietly existing in each other's lives with barely a text or two, it is great that our hearts are still warm and toasty and there's no ice to break.

 Can I say that this might be my favourite time of the year? The rolling in of winter. The wrapping up, and drying up and packing away of summer with it's heat and its noise. A stillness slowly settling in. The silence of no fans and no A.Cs. The faint smell of ilaichi on my evening walks. Oh how nostalgic and how wonderful. It's funny that A was born at the start of winter and I was born at the end. Just an observation.

 The other day I listened to a podcast about loneliness and connection. They said loneliness is the disparity between the connections you have and the connections you need. Accurate isn't it? I liked that. 

 Swimming is going better. I'm not in the city these days and I already miss it. At times I start to get frantic with my face in the water, trying to get enough breath in, and to move my legs right and my arms right and my head right. But then I remind myself to let go. To be in the water. Actually BE in the water and not fight it. And before I know it, my body unclenches and relaxes and suddenly I breathe better and then I swim better. Isn't it fascinating how there are lessons in literally everything?

 I have to say. I have said it before but I'll say it again. Making my parents laugh is one of my biggest joys in life. And watching them bicker with each other. What a treat. What a privilege to have grown up around a love like that. A love with laughter and madness. A love that stays.

 One way to describe my relation with A would be that he is the wind beneath my wings. I'm thinking I'll write that on his birthday card next month. So that he knows.