Friday, November 25, 2016

Clock in, clock out.

Life is like a magic ball these days. Remember magic balls? The crazy little shits that are super bouncy and once you let them go they bounce off every single surface around you with the speed of light making it impossible to catch them at all? Life is like that these days. All I got are these little snatches of time, me time, that I try to stretch out and live in as long as I possibly can. Time is relative. So I mentally stretch these pockets of time and make them my own. Right now, I'm on my way to work. My stomach is a complete mess and so are my sinuses. For breakfast I had two Panadol Extras and one brave bite of leftover pizza.  What I like about work is how every day is a new chance to be good to people, to make their life a tad bit easier, better. A pleasant interaction can make your day. And it can be with anyone. Smile when you talk. Joke around a bit. Listen. Be kind. Not very hard. I try to do all of these. I like it when I've had a long long day but it has been a productive one. Anyway.

I think that nothing in life is harder than having to watch your loved ones be in pain. I can handle my own pain. My problems will never bug me as much as another person's will. Because I can control myself and I can fix myself, because I know how to. But you cant always fix other people's painful hearts and greyed souls. You can't change who they are or who they've become at this point in their life. You cannot make them behave a certain way even if you believe it might help them. It is a bit agonizing but even more so because you know that if youre feeling bad, they're probably feeling worse.

One of the highlights from this week for me was my early morning breakfast with N the other day. We sat on a rooftop and it was sunny but cold and I had a hearty omelette and she had yogurt with fruit and granola and that was three days ago and I knew I was going to make myself the same thing at home so I did. I put yogurt and granola and pomegranate and banana in a bowl and gobbled it up. It makes for a great breakfast. I was humming the Lion king's Sega, level one soundtrack all day today. Still am.

I am perpetually tired and my body is warm and achy in different places everyday. N says that I get this vibe about me when I am working. A dull/dead vibe. She doesn't like it. I don't feel it though. *Shrugs*

The other day a friend asked me what I was thankful for. That made me think of things and I didnt really have to think hard because I am actively consciously thankful for many small things every day. So I think maybe I will write about the small things that I am grateful for, in the next post. My posts are never planned, which is so obvious but I think I will be writing about this. Hmm.

Okay, till then.

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