Friday, February 20, 2015

Soft apples and dark afternoons.

February has been a blur. A hazy crazy blur. Everyday has been packed. It has not been easy. But it has not been bad either. I know i like it. Under all the whining and complaining and going nuts, I like it. I like being so busy that my feet hurt almost every night. There's something that feels so good about letting life consume you for a bit.
Most days I have been out the entire day. I like being out. This, being in my room at the end of the day, listening to some music, reading words that i can reflect upon, and sipping my green tea, has come to mean so much to me. Its my time. And when i can't have that, I know something needs to change. 
I know I'm not getting time for a lot of things, but things will slow down after a while, and I think I'll be able to catch up. But for now, it's chaos. 
Its crazy windy these days. The amazing cold kind of wind that flows through your hair and your clothes. I love it. Yesterday I got back from a lunch with friends from home, and even though i was so tired, I went out and walked for an hour. The wind made me shiver.
I have Arctic Monkeys playing on repeat. Just one song actually. And its good.

Ah I'm tired. This post feels scattered and tired. Time to hit the bed.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Love not that which sets.

What is this insane obsession I have with writing down all of my thoughts. As if they must be released. Somewhere, anywhere.

I love to walk back to the hostel after college. Little things catch my eye. Eye, ear, heart.

I missed a lecture to do some presentation work. Im in the canteen. Listening to Staind, im on the outsideee and im lookin in. Hardly a morning song but whatever. I've ordered Styrofoam coffee and digestive biscuits and im happy.

Its hard to let go of something that means something to you. Its harder to let go of it, prematurely.

Walked to the bus stop this morning. N made a map to help me navigate. I was fifteen minutes early so I leaned against a car, put my earphones in and read my book till the bus came. The sun was orange, the air was cold and the music uplifting.

I did not lose my keys all year. Lost two pairs of keys in the last three days. Came back to a locked room. Exhausted and hungry. I could wait at the hospital and see an amputation. But it was going to go on till late so I chose to come back instead. Looking forward to biryani, movie and bed. Don't have anything sweet in the room so powdered milk will have to do.

I feel like I'm everywhere and nowhere.

Dad called me late last night and he sounded quite active. I asked him if he was outside. He said yes me and your mom are outside eating halwa and its raining. I told him I missed home. We talked for a while. Before hanging up he said, btw its not raining. He's so cute it breaks my heart.

And this. ..Whoever is sunk in the depths of ignominy Calls his weakness contentment. Weakness is the plunderer of Life, Its womb is teeming with fears and lies. Its soul is empty of virtues, Its milk is a fattening for vices. O man of sound judgement, beware! This spoiler is lurking in ambush. Be not his dupe, if thou art wise: Chameleon-like, he changes colour every moment. Even by keen observers his form is not discerned: Veils are thrown over his face. Now he is muffled in pity and gentleness, Now he wears the cloak of humility. Sometimes he is disguised as a victim of oppression, Sometimes as one whose sins are to be excused. He appears in the shape of self-indulgence And robs the strong man's heart of courage.. (Iqbal)

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Just eat up all the gray.

 I'm back in my dark little room, listening to Explosions in the sky, down with flu and overloaded with soup, joshanda and noodles. And anti allergics. And a pain killer. Today has been weird. The past few days have been weird. Weirdly good at times. But weirdly shit too. It's all a little chaotic.
Last night I sat on top of a slide, with some old music on. The sky never gets boring. Froze to death. Not the best thing to do when you've got the flu but it was just so quiet and peaceful. I must do it again.

My roomies are forcing me to attend this thing that i don't want to attend. I'd rather go to this new place V discovered. Sit back, talk and relax over cups of coffee. That's what I'd like. But r2 said she won't take no for an answer.

This is my favourite time of the day btw. Being in bed. With only sleep to look forward to. Why isn't there a perfume yet that smells of silver markers? Which reminds me. That I've missed typing. I'm on my laptop right now, and I love the sound the keys make when i type. And you know what's the other sound that i love? I love the sound that the spoon makes with the mug when you're stirring something thick. That nice gluggy sound. I love that.

We have a professor this year, who i really like. He's a nutcase, in a good way and makes everyone laugh. I usually don't find teachers funny but this guy is old and cute and crazy, and the best part is that he teaches really well. So. Yay.

It rained today. Made me want to walk for hours and hours. And so i did.
I like midnight blue and blood red.
Ah, i love the cold.