Bittersweet.

Wet roads take my breath away.

I hate it when you're happy about something and then the thought of it having to end soon makes you sad and ruins your happiness. Doesn't completely ruin it, just makes it sort of, bittersweet. My heart's heavy.

p.s. Picture post coming soon me thinks.

At times.

At times I hate how the reality of something fails to live up to the idea of it. But then. You see. An idea is perfect. It's whatever you want it to be, and more. Whereas reality is much more..real if you will. Raw. And true. And it will take you by surprise. It will disappoint you, or pleasantly surprise you.
And to be honest, I'd rather be blown away by life's brutal little imperfections than be bored with the sparkly white mundanity of perfection.

*Bullets 8.

- Came back early from college. Thought I had a free class. Turns out, not so much. I will kill everyone if anyone bothers me about the attendance.  

- Annoyed at this girl in my batch who was supposed to take this patient's history with me. Kept blurting out questions at the poor girl's mother like crazy. Verbal diarrhea na ho to.

- I met the most amazing little kid yesterday. I don't like kids. And I'm not good at talking to them either. But this one. So cute. We were at a social gathering.  And there he was, 8 years old, sitting in the corner with a big book in his face. Book's name : Gangsta Granny. We were having a group photo done and he didn't bother looking up for that either. Made me laugh. I sat with him, and he told me what the story was. I had fun talking to him. Nd said I'd found my younger self in him. Haha, kind of true. I loved him though. He had a perfect little British accent. And he talked about how he went to France with his class fellows and saw an aquarium etc. Cute. Best Kid Ever.

- At times I feel like, no matter how old we grow, or how mature we get, how much we learn or experience, in some way or the other, we;ll always be that scared little 13 year old  that we once were. The fears,  the insecurities, the little complexes that we had, will always be there. All we've really done is manage to brush them under the carpet. For now. But never permanently. I don't know. I think maybe we still feel all those things, but we're just better equipped to deal with them now. We know how to reason ourselves out of them. We learned self control and self worth and all those things. Maybe. I don't know. I just wonder at times.

- Sometimes, in winters, I like the smell of cigarette smoke. Eeek.

- I feel greedy. I'm being greedy these days. I want this and that and I want everything right NOW. And it's really uncool. I need to un-greedy myself. But how? I want i want i want!


- I have to clean my closet today. Clean, and organize. Dreading it. No seriously. Closet, and bags and suitcases and more bags, and shit. I live out of bags. I hate it. I have more bags than any other thing. I have more bags than i have clothes to fill them with. And there are 12 boxes of shoes under r1's bed. I can seem them right now. Funny. Okay, not so funny. Whatever.


- Interesting thing happened the other day. Had issues going on. Weird major weird ugly issues. And then Nd came to pick me and we talked. And i bawled in front of him. Like a stupid little kid. And in the middle of things i told him that I was worried that things were going to get weird between us, and he told me that it wasn't possible, and that he would destroy anyone who tried to make it possible. Sometimes you need to hear things like that.

- The roomies are still at college, and I'm on my bed in the corner of the room. It's dark. I like this. I need more days like this. Better hurry up before they come and turn the lights on and make me eat food.

Bye.
 

The other day.

The other day:

Sleep deprived. Day 3. Minimal sleep. An hour here, twenty minutes there. I'm sick of my red zombie eyes, i miss my old eyes. Fresh eyes. Awake eyes. Human eyes. I'm so exhausted, my body refuses to function. Coffee, sting, redbull. Whatever. Sleep, is what i need.

You know how at times you open a nut, say, an almond or a peanut, and instead of the nut, you find this black shriveled up piece of husk inside? Well, that's sort of what my head is like. Husk, being what's left of my brain.

On another note, there's also this constant feeling at the back of my head that needs to be dealt with. That life's not in control. And everything is going to fall apart. Soon. But let's deal with that once i'm out of the shit i'm presently in.


Edit:

Today:

Got done with the worst of things. Tried to sleep. Finally. Couldn't. Of course. Of course, when you finally have the time and opportunity to sleep, you can't. Anyhow, I went to the movies with s2 and another friend. It was fun. I've taken a tablet that will make me sleepy. I'm warm. Goodbye now.