Intermittent.

 You know what I am really craving right now? Going to someone's house for tea. Or dinner. Or lunch. Not a family gathering, no. Those are tedious and have too many aunties. I want to go to a friend's house. A couple of friends just hangin' out. There was a time when this was possible. Not anymore though. Everyone lives here and there. Somewhat like British Asian actor Ahsan Khan. Iykyk.

On the other hand, swimming has been going super. I've had some hiccups. But my freestyle has improved a great deal and I am so proud of myself. No one is interested in my enthusiasm regarding this but i tell everyone nonetheless. A shows interest. I report to him my swimming updates everyday. About how my goggles were bothering me and how I fixed them, and he suggested what I could do to get a better fit. I tell him about the women who come to swim at the same time I do. The old aunty who can't really walk but swims. Their conversations. I tell him how clean the water was on a certain day. How I like it when I can see sunshine in the water halfway through the length, a patch where the sun leaks through the roof. How, when I get the pool all to myself, I break all rules and swim diagonally across it. Sometimes in circles. Sometimes I imagine I'm training for something. For a day when I'll have to swim in the sea. Other times, I'm happy to just build on my relationship with the water. At times I glide so effortlessly through the water, i wonder if it looks as beautiful as it feels. Who knows. At least in my mind it does.

Just finished watching Emily. It's based on Emily Bronte. Now I must begin the process of separating fact from fiction, and google will help. In any case, at times movies that make me feel things. it can be a double edged sword. Because then I too want more adventure. Connection. More connection. More experiences. And more..just. My kind of more. 

V said I don't mention her in my blog. It's weird that I haven't. I guess I used to when we lived together but not anymore. Which is also weird because we do talk every day. Great thing about V is. She asks many questions. She's curious about the weirdest things and it gives one something to talk about. Not that we have ever had an issue finding something to talk about. I hope I can visit soon. Sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed. 

I do also want to mention cricket. I wish i could be poetic af about it. But its too late at night and my head hurts. But. The amount of joy and exhilaration Pakistan cricket has given me and my friends s2 and mr.s2, it was something special. Definitely outstanding. I think I am officially a cricket fan. Now there's Fifa and I'm a little slow to get on the bandwagon. But I'll get there.

I don't know how much more of this limbo I can take. I am also tired of silently dealing with the toll it takes. Some days are hard. And some nights are really hard. But then there are days when I am okay. I hope the ratio shifts to the latter. 

 The melatonin's kicking in.