Ticktock

I'm off work for a while. So my focus for the near future is just Shadi Shadi Shadi. s1's getting married, incase you didin't know. Haha. I keep saying there aren't enough hours in the day for all the stuff that needs to be done. I spent an hour last night trying to work a bunch of things in my schedule for today - hopefully i will be crossing every one of them off my list by the end of the day. I need to buy contact lenses (buy and wear them for the first time ever, noeyesnowedding), I need shoes, (the wedding is in a week and i don't have shoes, wow), I need to go for a final fitting of the dress that i'm supposed to wear the day after tomorrow, wow again, I need to get booked at a parlor, (i sound like the worst organized person in the history of weddings by now), I need to attend a late lunch for a friend who is leaving for the US for good, AND then i have to dance the rest of the day. I think i am forgetting something. But okay, lets at least get these done for now. OmG and yes there's this other printing thing..eeek.
Anyway.
Its 1 pm. And i'm still in bed. I decided to wake up late and spend some Bubble time in my room. My feet hurt from all the dancing. I woke up, i checked my phone and replied to people and read things. I had egg and toast and jam and tea. Oh wait, theres still some left. *takes a sip*. Ick, its luke warm. The light's out so i opened the blinds in my room and it's bright in here. I'm watching 'Girl on a train'. Not a very morning movie, but it'll do. Anything will do these days. I'm also planning on reading some fiction if and when i get time. Who am i kidding lol, but one can wish.
I used to listen to a lot of music. But I don't anymore. I don't have much in my phone, i youtube most things, and i heardly ever carry my headphones with me. I think it's because music, especially good music, makes ou feel things. And at times, it makes you feel things with a force. And i don't welcome that anymore. I am already too full of emotions and thoughts and feelings, I don't need triggers and i don't need nostalgia and the way your heart gets full when you hear a song. I don't want to experience extremes of emotions for no reason. There just isn't any need. I love how certain songs or books or movies can give voice/words to your thoughts, but I just..don't feel the need for that anymore. Don't know if it makes much sense, or any at all.
I continue to have baby dreams. More and more. WHAT DO THEY MEAN?
It is very important for me to not get attached to the 'idea' of something. People have certain ideas and impressions of things in their minds that they tend to stick to. They think they need to. But we don't. Not really. Oh God, i'm being very vague. Maybe i'll talk about this later. Words are not my friends. I wish i could write better. Oh well.

Bye.

The fools who dream.

The other day we called Michael Fassbender, Fastbender and then laughed about it. When was the last time I laughed uninhibitedly? Hmmm. I don't remember. Hopefully not very long ago. Probably at work about something too. My colleagues are unknowingly hilarious at times, and isn't that a treat?
s1 and s2 got into a fight and we were all sitting in the lounge, hanging out, but then they both left, and now here i am. Ive got the place to myself and the laptop to myself and the sofa to my self. So i've decided to watch a movie. It's called The light between oceans. Not a clue what it's about but we watched Assassin's creed the other day and Fassbender's body melted s2 and she decided to download another Fassbender movie and so here it is. And here i am. Guests came over this morning and they brought chocolate. Little fancy nicely wrapped chocolate. Mmmm. All mine. I love it when people bring over chocolates, and i don't feel threatened because i know they're all mine because my sisters are not big on chocolates. Yes you heard/read that right. They're not big on chocolates. It's almost too good to be true. But yeah.
I did not want my sisters to fight because feelings ended up being hurt and I am so against feelings getting hurt and I don't know why everyone insists on holding on to little things and not letting go. I've been having a lot of trouble dealing with people lately. People don't seem to like me very much now, and I'm not very used to that but that's okay. To each their own. As long as i know my heart is clear. Maybe i have forgotten how to deal with people. Suddenly, it is all a bit much for me. I feel that I do not fit. I'm sure we all don't fit in some way. But i feel that..okay - Imagine a huge puzzle, the one with a thousand little pieces. Now take one out. Put it in front of the heater for 2 minutes until it gets all wobbly. Now imagine that as me. Try putting it back in the puzzle. No matter where you try to stick it, it's not going to fit. Why? Becuase - wobbly. There is no point. I am laughing at myself right now. What a shitly explained analogy. Like a sad teenager wrote it. No offence to sad teenagers. But tsk. Let's move on.
 I've been having very, very interesting dreams. Last night i dreamed of a movie plot, and it was very unique and complex and in the morning i was very proud of myself for coming up with something like that but now I don't remember any of it so i can't sell the idea and get rich so, pfft.
I think my parents are home. Are they?  No they aren't.
When asked what country they would like to visit, no one really says Russia. Why not? Because hollywood makes it look evil or because it is too cold? I would like to visit that place. I don't know much about it, but that's the point isn't it? To find out about places and people.
In this movie, fassbender smiles from behind his mustache. Which is making me smile, because that's something that my mom says about my dad, and i love it. Oh which reminds me. Dad came a few days ago, and when i met him and hugged him he laughed and it was warm, and i had missed that, and the afterglow of the moment stayed with me for at least two days. Maybe i'm exaggerating. But it was special for me. You know how sometimes when you hug people, or they hug you, and the hug is over but just when you're about to break away, they extend the hug for an extra 2-3 seconds? Let me tell you. That small extended bit of hug always has a meaning. Don't underestimate the extended hug.
I can't watch people eat food at dinner tables in movies. It makes me hungry. It makes me want to have elaborate protein rich meals. This guy has taken up a job in a lighthouse because he is too tired of war and civilization. That kind of thing appeals to me. Oh except, I want to be able to meet people when i want. Only when i want. I miss writing with an ink pen. My dad just called me for no reason. Asked about this and that. But he started with his very alive 'Hello' and i missed that too. I love it when he calls me and there is energy in his voice. s1 is back and she is looking for nuts to eat. I told her that i am in paradise right now. My feet are in a blanket, dim yellow light, and this blood red sofa. And a rug. And now, nuts. The introvert inside me is in pain. Oh by the way. It's February. It is my favourite month of the year and i never fail to mention that. Shakespeare once said that someone had a Februaryface and i think it is the best kind of compliment.

That you have such a February face,. So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?

Yes, this. Um, i think he didn't mean it as a compliment there but someone calls me a Februaryface, i am going to love it.
Fassbender has found himself a wife. Now he's smiling with his eyes too. And so does my dad. Ha.
I like the angles of a shoulder blade. It is such a natural place for if we had wings.
 Okay i just guessed the plot of the movie. Predictable shit.
I think i need to end this flaily dialogue. No. Monologue.


Is anyone reading?