Monday, August 1, 2016

For those who understand us, enslave something in us.

This year has been the year of change. Sounds cliché. And sounds like a new year's post. But it isn't cuz its only July. No wait it's august..well almost. So yeah, the point is. Change. Things have constantly been in motion and I have not had time to catch up with any of it. Then in the midst of it all I realised that maybe it was pointless to try to catch up, or slow down. I just need to go with the flow. I need to keep running. There's no stopping, no breathing, no pausing. Just moving. There have been small pockets of free time where I have sat still for hours and pondered over my life situation but it has not been pleasant. My body and my mind are too used to motion now and I crave it. I crave slowing down and I crave movement. Simultaneously. Well because if it weren't for this chaos I don't know if I wouldve been able to deal with all the chaos. Graduation happened. Left the hostel. Friends left. Friendships ended. Routines changed, habits changed, ideas changed, mindsets changed and I found my soul two shades paler by the end of it. There was a gradual stripping away of things I counted as essential and the process is painful yet liberating and it's still going on.  Work is also something. It tests me physically mentally and emotionally. Every day. Which i hate and love. I have a vague idea of what I want to do in the future which keeps a part of me at peace. But I am open to what life will throw my way. Could be shitstorm. Could be rainbowfest. Either way. I'm open.  
Every now and then I have stressful days and when I find myself too wound up in small matters that actually deserve none or very little of my precious brainspace, I take a step back, and mentally imagine shedding them off like brown crackly autumn leaves. And it helps. We should be like snakes. We should molt. Yuck. But yeah. 
Ugh. I'm rambling on and on. 
Going to stop. 
Oh but one thing that invariably makes me happy and warm is when mom feeds me food with her own hands. Food tastes better and life seems brighter. 
That's all. 

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