I have been in this situation before. Overwhelmed, stressed, stretched really really thin. Maybe it doesn't take much for me to feel this way, or maybe I am undermining my struggles. I don't know. But what I know is that here I am again. Juggling sand. And I can't wait to get out of this. But I also think, this is life. And these are the good kind of problems. These are not health problems, it's not grief, it's not discontent. It's just stress and struggle. If not this, it will be something else. So might as well.
A is out of town for the week. It's the first time I'm in this apartment all by myself. Interesting. I'm going to use this time to be productive AF. I'll try to go out for some time today. The air is fresh and getting chilly fast, which is what I like.
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That ^ was weeks ago. In the meantime, I crossed a major milestone, a major something ticked off my list. And what is left is one last exam. So here I am, still going. Engines roaring, full steam. Onward. Forward.
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PMS was devastating this time around. Reminds me of this scene from fleabag about women having pain on a cycle, having pain built-in. It's part of us. And it's not just physical, the pain. It's emotional, mental, social - all sorts. I mean, God really wanted to show us how strength can look different in men and women. I love how women are soft and strong at the same time. Divine stuff. Nothing less.
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A is being too nice. I don't know what to do. The other day, he got me warm socks. And green tea. And he is making food. And giving head massages. And I think bringing me my favorite breakfast wrap from starbucks is his new love language. Thank God for companionship. And friendship. And love. And play.
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I wrote a whole thing in my journal about what I miss about home the most. Its my funny little home, ,and the funny little place it's located in. Where I walk. And where the funny little market is. Our funny little living room with the curtains and the funny cushions. The tiles. The out of place furniture. My funny little room. That house is too much. But it's what I miss the most about home. Being there. With my funny little family. Uh oh, this made me cry.
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I've been waking up at 7 am lately. It's nice. We watched the Pak vs Netherland match and had coffee and peanut butter toast. Then A left for work. I spent a long time cleaning the kitchen. I finished Fleabag and my tea an hour ago. The priest situation broke my heart, but why was it it so beautifully done? Didn't expect that. Some things leave an impact. Hmm.
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Fall is here. So is thanksgiving and halloween. Everything is orange. Today was wonderfully cozy. I had a laser appointment which was excruciating, but then we had fish and chips in the rain. Some coffee, walked around the water, closed my eyes on the drive back home, listening to Abida Parveen. The trees look like magic these days.
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I was thinking something today. About the concept of success. And how many a times I equate it to having more money and a better job, when I know that health, relationships, time, doing good, moments of joy and connection are what life is really about. Career, is just ONE thing. Yet it takes up 90% of my brainspace. And has currently given me an intractable headache that just won't leave me. Sigh.
