I woke up early today. After A left for work, I came out to the living room, now that I have the apartment to myself. I made a quick breakfast. Something about a monday morning with a fully stocked kitchen. Exciting. I had some coffee, eggs, toast, peanut butter and jam. I watched another episode of In treatment, the newest season. Dozed off halfway through the episode despite the construction workers outside drilling directly into my skull. I spoke to my parents next. Mom said my eyes looked swollen. The first thing she asked was 'Did you cry?'. Thankfully, I hadn't. I was just sleepy. I showed her a point where my eye was hurting and she being she, told me I must put in eye drops and stop it from becoming a thing. And my dad being dad, did a cute joke where he took out some eye drops and mom said, look your dad has taken them out, he's offering to put them in your eye. And then he gestured as if putting the eyedrops through the camera in my eye across oceans. I played along. We laughed. It was cute. What a morning. I have realized I love taking care of our place. I like keeping it clean and smelling nice. I love getting groceries. I love eating the food i make. I still haven't mastered making soft roti, but i would say its pretty round and above average. So pat on the back for me.
I have made a list of tasks that I need to do today. Hmm, maybe I will document how I'm doing as the day goes by.
For now, I am going to study. After that, I need to work on another document and then start on citing my paper. Also, I need to fill some forms. And make dinner. Dare I add a yoga session? HMMMM. We shall see.
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Okay I'm writing again after 2 days. So much for documenting an entire day. From what I can recall, I did manage most of the tasks from up there^, except yoga. Of course. And I think I didn't make dinner, we went out instead. Or was that yesterday? I don't know. Days are a blur. There is so much work to do. Yesterday I cried twice, while trying to trouble shoot my problems. But God is great as usual, and one of them did get solved. The weird thing is, I am moving, moving, moving. It's been years. Little by little, with too many lapses and too many guilt ridden, anxiety heavy, denial stuffed breaks. Still moving. That gives me hope. The fact that there is movement, means I'm on a path, and there must be a destination. And God willing, I will get there. Dinner for tonight is chicken chowmein. I have a suspicion that A bought lettuce instead of cabbage. Oh well.
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Last night I was surprised to find out that it was thursday already and the weekend was just around the corner. I thought it was still Tuesday. That's how my days have been lately. And it was cabbage, not lettuce.
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I am now writing this on another Tuesday. The weekend came and went. But it was a really good one. We did a desi nashta, grocery, I SWAM IN A LAKE, just hung out, ate delicious pizza and what not. Today, I submitted the final draft of my research manuscript. Only God and I know what it took for me to do that. I am not the most disciplined person and DAMN was this hard. I hope i don't have to do a lot to it for it to be submitted. Let's see.
I'm making chicken karahi, I want to make it spicier today. I mopped the floors, and handwashing two of A's t-shirts. Also re-watching the movie Closer. I don't feel well. I have cough and a bad headache.
Today i was coughing like a madman while on the phone with someone and she asked me if I missed home when i was sick. And i was like, are you trying to make me cry right now? Well I didn't say that but of course I miss home when I am sick. But I hardly ever go down that road, because i can't afford to. Well the food is ready, and the shirts are washed and the aata is goondh-ed, and my headache is worse. Thankyouverymuch.
I do love life, nonetheless. It's quite a challenge. And I hope to God I'm doing okay, because sometimes i'm not so sure. Am I doing enough? Is this my best? I don't know.
Isn't it funny that everyday when A comes home, I pretend to be asleep and we do this entire play-act thing where I open one eye and find him staring at me from the door, and I pretend I didn't notice him come in and get startled, and then we laugh about it. Every day.
