Tomorrow is Valentine's day and also a Sunday and I will be on call. Wow. Yay me.
I tried to make time turn slow today, but it didn't listen to me and ran fast. And now its after 10 already and on days that i'm tired or before really long exhausting challenging days, i like to be in bed by 10. But i am not. I'm watching Valentine's day. The movie. Watched Malcolm and Marie before that. Hmmm. Hmmm. I didn't hate it. I didn't love it either. I appreciate the effort. I enjoyed it. Zendaya and her little onesie type thing that she wore half the movie. Damn, i've been sneezing since yesterday morning. What was the Weeknds superbowl performance. It was lazy. I expected so much more. I love the Weeknd. But what the hell man. Lazy.
Yesterday morning. It was hard to wake up. I snoozed for 50 minutes in bed before grumpily complaining to A about how impossible it was to wake up. But then he stroked my back for a while, and hugged me and told me he was going to make coffee for me. He ironed by clothes while i showered and hurried to leave on time. And while i was in the car, i thought to myself..hmmm. This isn't so bad. Having someone to wake up next to. Being held and hugged early in the morning making you feel a little less disgusted with the 9 hours of work ahead of you. It's nice. And comforting. A tonic, for my morning anxiety.
I think, more important than anything in a relationship, any kind of relationship, is the feeling of safety. I think, for me, this is it. Every other thing and feeling ties in to this. The people i am closest to, or was ever closest to, made me feel Safe. I don't even know how to exactly explain what i mean when i say Safe, but in my heart i know it. I know exactly what i mean. And what that feeling is. And its either there or it isn't. Hmm. Okay, there's a ton more to explore here, which i think i will do on my own time. But i mentioned this here for a reason. Because its been on my mind. And that's all for now.
Winter is at its end. The days are hot and the nights are a relief. But it has started to smell of summer. Spring maybe. But things are already coming alive. Not a fan of summer sorry. I love how cold and metal like winter is and dark and cosy, so cosy. And chocolate. Summer is just loud. And alive. Which many might love, but doesn't resonate with me. Winter resonates with me. We vibe.
Alright. I have lost my trains of thought. Yes. Trains. Multiple.
A wants us to make french toast right now. Some james oliver recipe he saw online. Oh man when will i have a day where i will sleep and sleep and sleep in the bed all day. WHEN?
I got a haircut today.
