Ick.

I can't even begin to describe how annoyed I am at the moment.
It pisses me off when I feel this way and nothing I do makes a difference. How annoying is that?
Some people I want to talk to right now and some people I wish would stop talking to me for a while.
I dont have any idea about what I'm going to do about this test I have tomorrow. The course is dull and huge. Yuck.
Negative negative negative.
Oh and on top of everything. I have the flu.
Joy.

Bullets 9.

Multiple emotions and all kinds of shit is going on inside my head right now. 13 new files were just added to my dropbox. Ahan. So?

I'm in a room that wasn't always this desolate or empty. Which makes it an uncomfortable place for me to be in right now.

What is it that people say? Be safe than sorry. But you can't always be safe. You can never be safe enough. Its suffocating.

My head hurts. Maybe it's because i need to drink more water. Or maybe it's because of the new specs i'm wearing. I have vowed to myself to take care of these glasses. They are for domestic stupid use.
But i need to take care of them.

I'm stealing the neighbors wifi. There is still goodness in the world.

My cellphone keeps blinking. It's the yellow light. Means, someone either texted me or it's one of the gazillion group whatsapp messages that i get everyday. Let's see. It was s2. She shares my sadness about the room that is now empty.

I need to stop feeling things so much. Little things. That take up so much space in my head. I need to de-clutter. Which is not always easy. But i need to try. Must stop over thinking, and over analyzing
everything.

Watched 12 Angry men today. Loved it.

It's quite cold. I'm wearing a flimsy shirt. Should've worn an upper over it. I don't know why I didn't. Maybe i should. I don't care. Except if i don't, the blood in my arms will soon freeze. And i won't be able to type. And we can't have that can we?

Nd said that I'm self obsessed. He is more self obsessed than I am. Everybody knows that.

My friend, sd got married today. It made me feel very weird. I teared up when i went to say goodbye. Made her cry as well.

I need comfort tonight. Maybe i should just go to sleep. The headache refuses to leave.

It's going to be a long month. But then there's always February. Something to look forward to.

I haven't been updating my dream page lately. Just being lazy. Had more than a few idiotic/awesome dreams.

Of 2012 and random nothings.

2013 is here. Hi. I feel futuristic.
2012 came and went. And the world didn't end. I didn't expect it to anyway.

This year was. Hmm. I think it was like any other year. It was just another milestone in my life, unique in itself in some ways of course. This year,

I grew. I refused to grow. I ran from the truth. I confronted some fears. Met new people. Forgot about them. Revised my opinions about some people. Learned some lessons. Surprised people. Got surprised. Faced disappointment. Wasted time. Begged for more time. Slept a lot. Stayed up for days. Zoned out. Had a quiet birthday. Stopped being a teenager. Dreamed a lot. Lost a lot. Stayed lost. Fought with uncertainty. Had my patience tested. Broke some rules. A lot of rules. Made new rules. Broke them too. And made them again. Got mad at my self. Got mad at the world. Found peace. Struggled with doubt. Consumed more caffeine than ever before. And whined about everything.
 It was like all the years before it. It was a year of love. And loneliness. And doubt. And comfort. And strength. And laughter. And restlessness. And gratitude. And then there was more.

Oh well.

On an abrupt note, here are some pictures of random nothings. Random nothings are awesome.

Pancakes!

A lamp and other shit in s1's room.

Aw. My little loyal one. You were nice to me.

A parrot i fount at my friend's place.

Shiny paan. :D

Gobblegobble.

My little baby. :')

p.s Both food items were made by s1.

Bittersweet.

Wet roads take my breath away.

I hate it when you're happy about something and then the thought of it having to end soon makes you sad and ruins your happiness. Doesn't completely ruin it, just makes it sort of, bittersweet. My heart's heavy.

p.s. Picture post coming soon me thinks.

At times.

At times I hate how the reality of something fails to live up to the idea of it. But then. You see. An idea is perfect. It's whatever you want it to be, and more. Whereas reality is much more..real if you will. Raw. And true. And it will take you by surprise. It will disappoint you, or pleasantly surprise you.
And to be honest, I'd rather be blown away by life's brutal little imperfections than be bored with the sparkly white mundanity of perfection.

*Bullets 8.

- Came back early from college. Thought I had a free class. Turns out, not so much. I will kill everyone if anyone bothers me about the attendance.  

- Annoyed at this girl in my batch who was supposed to take this patient's history with me. Kept blurting out questions at the poor girl's mother like crazy. Verbal diarrhea na ho to.

- I met the most amazing little kid yesterday. I don't like kids. And I'm not good at talking to them either. But this one. So cute. We were at a social gathering.  And there he was, 8 years old, sitting in the corner with a big book in his face. Book's name : Gangsta Granny. We were having a group photo done and he didn't bother looking up for that either. Made me laugh. I sat with him, and he told me what the story was. I had fun talking to him. Nd said I'd found my younger self in him. Haha, kind of true. I loved him though. He had a perfect little British accent. And he talked about how he went to France with his class fellows and saw an aquarium etc. Cute. Best Kid Ever.

- At times I feel like, no matter how old we grow, or how mature we get, how much we learn or experience, in some way or the other, we;ll always be that scared little 13 year old  that we once were. The fears,  the insecurities, the little complexes that we had, will always be there. All we've really done is manage to brush them under the carpet. For now. But never permanently. I don't know. I think maybe we still feel all those things, but we're just better equipped to deal with them now. We know how to reason ourselves out of them. We learned self control and self worth and all those things. Maybe. I don't know. I just wonder at times.

- Sometimes, in winters, I like the smell of cigarette smoke. Eeek.

- I feel greedy. I'm being greedy these days. I want this and that and I want everything right NOW. And it's really uncool. I need to un-greedy myself. But how? I want i want i want!


- I have to clean my closet today. Clean, and organize. Dreading it. No seriously. Closet, and bags and suitcases and more bags, and shit. I live out of bags. I hate it. I have more bags than any other thing. I have more bags than i have clothes to fill them with. And there are 12 boxes of shoes under r1's bed. I can seem them right now. Funny. Okay, not so funny. Whatever.


- Interesting thing happened the other day. Had issues going on. Weird major weird ugly issues. And then Nd came to pick me and we talked. And i bawled in front of him. Like a stupid little kid. And in the middle of things i told him that I was worried that things were going to get weird between us, and he told me that it wasn't possible, and that he would destroy anyone who tried to make it possible. Sometimes you need to hear things like that.

- The roomies are still at college, and I'm on my bed in the corner of the room. It's dark. I like this. I need more days like this. Better hurry up before they come and turn the lights on and make me eat food.

Bye.
 

The other day.

The other day:

Sleep deprived. Day 3. Minimal sleep. An hour here, twenty minutes there. I'm sick of my red zombie eyes, i miss my old eyes. Fresh eyes. Awake eyes. Human eyes. I'm so exhausted, my body refuses to function. Coffee, sting, redbull. Whatever. Sleep, is what i need.

You know how at times you open a nut, say, an almond or a peanut, and instead of the nut, you find this black shriveled up piece of husk inside? Well, that's sort of what my head is like. Husk, being what's left of my brain.

On another note, there's also this constant feeling at the back of my head that needs to be dealt with. That life's not in control. And everything is going to fall apart. Soon. But let's deal with that once i'm out of the shit i'm presently in.


Edit:

Today:

Got done with the worst of things. Tried to sleep. Finally. Couldn't. Of course. Of course, when you finally have the time and opportunity to sleep, you can't. Anyhow, I went to the movies with s2 and another friend. It was fun. I've taken a tablet that will make me sleepy. I'm warm. Goodbye now.