Bullets 10.

- Turns out People were right. I am in fact a Pushover. I am trying to fight it.

- Today really tested my patience. How can fifty thousand things go wrong? And all in one day too?

- I went to this huge shop today full of books and stationery. And for some time, i totally forgot how sleepy or tired of grumpy i was. And that felt good.

- Last night i was so sleepy that I started dreaming before i was properly asleep. I like that kind of exhaustion.

- I am watching a movie that I've watched before and I really shouldn't be wasting my time on that.

- I did end up going out with N the other day to watch a play and also stayed over at her place later. Me, her and her guy D, walked around a lot, watched a movie, sat in silence for more than an hour, window shopped, actually shopped, ate ice cream twice, and walked back to their college all the while talking and whining about all kinds of shit. It was nice, the walking. My heels still hurt.
 
- Survival mode needs to be turned on. There's no other way.

- This girl in my class. She's sort of a friend of a friend. I sat next to her today. She often talks to me about books. And today, she told me that she thinks that i should try writing. Properly. And I'm like. Well I can't. And a little while after I was done explaining to her why i couldn't, she told me that she has this really weird keychain that is very Me, and that she was going to bring it for me.
This amused me. People are so random.

- I want to read Steve Job's biography.

- I have come to realize that I really love Gol gappay. I welcome gol gappay anytime anyday.

- My college is getting on my nerves. And I have been over compensating.

- I feel the need to keep moving. Stillness breeds depression.

- I love intelligent people. Love.

- Need to fix my moral compass amidst other things.

- I don't understand why people quote Marilyn Monroe so much.

Stupid plans.

I was really looking forward to this Sunday. So here is what was supposed to happen.

I was supposed to wake up late, have a good breakfast, watch a stupid Summer-afternoon movie, and then get ready to go out with N, watch this play that we were supposed to watch, go back to her place, have coffee, talk talk talk, eat a lot of junk, and complete watching Django Unchained. And then she was supposed to drop me to college the next morning.

Here is what really happened:

I woke up crying. Because of this emotionally draining nightmare that I had about the death of someone i'm close to. I mean, I couldn't breathe. Really. Anyway after i was done crying, I cleaned the entire room with r2, and rearranged some furniture which is something i hate doing.Then I went out in the sun to grab breakfast. Decided to watch a nice stupid summer-afternoon movie, halfway through which N texted me to cancel our plans for the day. I mean. WHAT? I was super bummed. Texted my sisters who didn't reply, which made me want to kill everyone. So i went to sleep. Slept a lot. Woke up feeling hot. So i drank some super cold juice that was way too sweet but i mixed it with water which made it okay. This cooled me down. Now i'm hungry and have nothing to do. And so, this sucks.

Bye.

Motion blur.

I am but a floating hippie at heart who has forgotten which clock works and which doesn't. 

And life is only my blurry snapshot.

This weekend.

Badly. Badly needed this.

S2. Breakfast at cinnabon. Life of Pi at 2 am in the morning. Short visit to W1's house. The doll joke. Liberal arts. Dholki. Redbulls. Crazy frenzied Tabboo games till 6 am in the morning. Pizza. Tasting crab for the first time. Sleeping in the car while it rained outside. Playing dodge with the loadshedding. Friend's engagement. Professional photography.  Rain and wind. More tabboo. More redbull. Crazy laughter. Best bbq ever. Warm grey hoodie. Early brunch. Lasagna, French vanilla and banana bread.

Off to sleep now.
Back to life tomorrow.  

If it keeps on raining..

..the levee's going to break.

That's all I'm saying.

P.s. Oh and also. It really really sucks when all your people are sad. And there's nothing you can do to fix any of it. God it drains me out.

Wisps.

I watched hemmingway and gellhorn today. And now I want a typewriter.  Today is a Sunday. It's a lazy sunday, but that is what I wanted. I stayed in bed most of the day. Had good food too. Oh. I must have coffee. Yes. But what then? I need a good novel to read but I don't have one right now. I have a couple of books in my phone but I don't want those. I want a real book. With pages. I will tell Nd to take me to Readings. And then I can buy something by Hemmingway and see what all the hype is about. Hmm. Dull headaches are the worst aren't they? I watched Argo with W2 and Nd last night. I liked it. I want to watch a really sad movie. One that will make me cry a lot. I am restless. I want things these days that I know I can't get. I know it. But I cant help wanting them more and more everyday. And that's making me restless. I need to change my life situation. And I also want an anchor. There's no anchor. Its s2's birthday tonight. I need to save money to buy gifts for my sisters. I am having trouble with saving money. I love my phone though. More and more everyday. I love it. Coming back to the matter at hand. I'm going to have coffee now and do what? Okay. Lets do something.  Ill go down. Make myself some coffee and ask Nd to suggest something for me to do. Yeah that sounds like a plan. I'm waiting for my hair to dry. Under the fan. The turn of the season is the hardest time on me. Nostalgia engulfs me. No specific memories. Only vague ideas and fleeting thoughts like wisps of smoke. I hate feeling nostalgic. I like walking on the edges of a bathtub. For no reason. I find the concept of the seven deadly sins interesting. I'm a sloth. Ben affleck looks weird in a beard. I need to read amazing stuff. Something to blow me away. My aunt is making me a dress. I'm sort of excited about that. Can't wait for next month. Spring break. But that too will come and go. And there shall be monotony again. Monotony is poison. Nicole kidman looked good in the movie. There's a game called Limbo. I like it.  I'm going to play it. I think my hair is dry enough. Bye now.

Run.

I want to wear Super sneakers. The ones from Subway surfer. Down two cans of redbull. And I want to run. I want to run so hard. Run over everything.  Roads and trees and hills and houses and bridges and stairs and skies and suns. I want to run through rain and thunderstorms and lightning and snow. And I haven't ever been in snow. I want to run till my muscles start to scream and my heart runs out of fuel. And then I want to crash. In a spa. And get all the treatments they have to offer. And then. I want to fall asleep. For two days and two nights. And have the sweetest of dreams. The ones I'm afraid to write down in fear of ruining them with my words. Those. And that's all. That is all I want. For now.