Act 21.

Turned 21 yesterday.

It's a special feeling when people you love, people from different parts of your little world get together and go out of their way to make that one day of the year special for you. When everything is about you. You just cant help but feel loved. And cherished. And cared for.  It's's absolutely wonderful.

Celebrated two things this weekend. With people I love. And ive yet to spend a weekend with N. Can't wait.

Today.

Today was a good day.
And there haven't been too many of those lately. So I'm grateful. And need to record this. So that I can read this and smile sometime in the future when the day hasn't been kind to me.

P.s. Oh. And yesterday was pretty great too.
Cheers.

Morning high

Woke up around 8 a.m. Heard the wind outside. Got out of the bed, straight to the balcony and waited for the wind to wake my brain up. Then went outside to the ground and walked in the wind for about thirty minutes. Got a text from r1 that breakfast was ready. Came inside and had tea with yummy cream cheese sandwich and eggs. Then it started raining. Hard. With hail. Ran outside with the roomies. Got drenched. Took my shoes and socks off. Had my feet frozen. Borrowed a clerk's bicycle. Cycled in the rain. Petrichor. And the scent of fresh paint. Laughed. Came back inside.

Right now in this moment. Life is good.

*Big bullets.

- I wake up at 6:20 a.m every morning in search of hot water for my shower. I usually find it because no one really wakes up that early for a shower. I do though. And even though it kills me to get out of bed on a cold grey winter morning when not only my roomates but the entire corridor is asleep, that steaming hot water and that long selfish shower that follows is just worth it. And so I wake up. Every morning. While it's still dark outside. To have those twenty or so minutes of bliss. And I can't complain.

- My throat is sore from all the coughing.  R2 fed me some cough syrup but that hasn't helped. Everyone's sleeping. The room is dark. My head hurts but I refuse to take yet another pain killer. I've grown quite fond of pain killers lately. Must stop popping a pill every time some part of my body hurts. Must not turn into a junkie.

- Buckethead always soothes me btw. It's good study music. Not that I've been studying much lately, but it helps me focus. It helps me drown out my surroundings. 

- I feel like I haven't been doing anything with my life lately. I'm a little yellow leaf that goes wherever the wind takes it. Indifferent to everything, I am sleeping my life away. Literally. And that is because of a lack of motivation. Lack of drive. There's no force pulling me or pushing me towards a single direction. I'm dispersed and distracted. I was talking to Nd about something, and he was like

Nd: Aim for it, and it's doable.
Me: I'll get distracted.
Nd: By what?
Me: I don't know.. the next day.

Which is true. One day, i have goals and aims and all the focus i need. The next day, not so much. Very changeable, i am. Sigh. The other day this senior at college came up to me and asked me why i wasn't yet a part of the Literary Society. I was like. I don't know. And she's like. You should join. We need good people. I can see that you'd be good at it. And i told her that i hate responsibilities and I suck at deadlines. But she asked me to join anyway. Made me feel good.

- I feel more and more Thirteen everyday. And that is not a good thing.

- I saw an autopsy the other day. Unidentified body found on the railway tracks. Train accident. Head so badly bashed, they had trouble orienting it with the neck. A piece of the jaw was totally separated and lying next to the head. What's weird was how detached i felt watching it all. For me, it's all flesh and bones and blood. What does affect me however, is an unmutilated body. Untouched and intact. Yet without a pulse. Without that essence of life that separates the living from the dead. The subtle differences. Those are the things that scare me.

Ah. Anyway. Enough with the morbid talk. I should get some studying done.
I'm going to miss the winter sky.

Ick.

I can't even begin to describe how annoyed I am at the moment.
It pisses me off when I feel this way and nothing I do makes a difference. How annoying is that?
Some people I want to talk to right now and some people I wish would stop talking to me for a while.
I dont have any idea about what I'm going to do about this test I have tomorrow. The course is dull and huge. Yuck.
Negative negative negative.
Oh and on top of everything. I have the flu.
Joy.

Bullets 9.

Multiple emotions and all kinds of shit is going on inside my head right now. 13 new files were just added to my dropbox. Ahan. So?

I'm in a room that wasn't always this desolate or empty. Which makes it an uncomfortable place for me to be in right now.

What is it that people say? Be safe than sorry. But you can't always be safe. You can never be safe enough. Its suffocating.

My head hurts. Maybe it's because i need to drink more water. Or maybe it's because of the new specs i'm wearing. I have vowed to myself to take care of these glasses. They are for domestic stupid use.
But i need to take care of them.

I'm stealing the neighbors wifi. There is still goodness in the world.

My cellphone keeps blinking. It's the yellow light. Means, someone either texted me or it's one of the gazillion group whatsapp messages that i get everyday. Let's see. It was s2. She shares my sadness about the room that is now empty.

I need to stop feeling things so much. Little things. That take up so much space in my head. I need to de-clutter. Which is not always easy. But i need to try. Must stop over thinking, and over analyzing
everything.

Watched 12 Angry men today. Loved it.

It's quite cold. I'm wearing a flimsy shirt. Should've worn an upper over it. I don't know why I didn't. Maybe i should. I don't care. Except if i don't, the blood in my arms will soon freeze. And i won't be able to type. And we can't have that can we?

Nd said that I'm self obsessed. He is more self obsessed than I am. Everybody knows that.

My friend, sd got married today. It made me feel very weird. I teared up when i went to say goodbye. Made her cry as well.

I need comfort tonight. Maybe i should just go to sleep. The headache refuses to leave.

It's going to be a long month. But then there's always February. Something to look forward to.

I haven't been updating my dream page lately. Just being lazy. Had more than a few idiotic/awesome dreams.

Of 2012 and random nothings.

2013 is here. Hi. I feel futuristic.
2012 came and went. And the world didn't end. I didn't expect it to anyway.

This year was. Hmm. I think it was like any other year. It was just another milestone in my life, unique in itself in some ways of course. This year,

I grew. I refused to grow. I ran from the truth. I confronted some fears. Met new people. Forgot about them. Revised my opinions about some people. Learned some lessons. Surprised people. Got surprised. Faced disappointment. Wasted time. Begged for more time. Slept a lot. Stayed up for days. Zoned out. Had a quiet birthday. Stopped being a teenager. Dreamed a lot. Lost a lot. Stayed lost. Fought with uncertainty. Had my patience tested. Broke some rules. A lot of rules. Made new rules. Broke them too. And made them again. Got mad at my self. Got mad at the world. Found peace. Struggled with doubt. Consumed more caffeine than ever before. And whined about everything.
 It was like all the years before it. It was a year of love. And loneliness. And doubt. And comfort. And strength. And laughter. And restlessness. And gratitude. And then there was more.

Oh well.

On an abrupt note, here are some pictures of random nothings. Random nothings are awesome.

Pancakes!

A lamp and other shit in s1's room.

Aw. My little loyal one. You were nice to me.

A parrot i fount at my friend's place.

Shiny paan. :D

Gobblegobble.

My little baby. :')

p.s Both food items were made by s1.