I'm kind of scared right now. My life has a few stressors, that have pretty much stayed the same for years now. Makes me wonder if this says something about me. Have i not done anything to change/makes things better? Why am I struggling with the same things? Also. I've realized that I have lost my habit of writing, or am in the process of losing it. Is it because I am much more extroverted now? I engage with other people instead of quietly writing it all down somewhere or the other? Or maybe, I am an adult now and there is no time. Always rushed, if not physically then mentally. Occupied, frantic. And when I'm relaxing, there are a billion other things I'd rather do, which translates to barely doing anything at all. Do you know what I mean? One thing that has improved over the past year however is that I have been reading quite a lot, not counting this last month. But otherwise yes. Me and my friends created a book club and have read 9 books already. I think the book club is on a hiatus right now. But I am still reading two books on the side hehe. The last one i started which was actually the cause of the hiatus was 'Remarkably beautiful creatures'. Its about an Octopus and I just couldn't get into it. Maybe it is a nice book, but I just couldn't. So I'm going to read something else. To get out of my reading funk.
Are we going to talk about the past year? I mean, its 2026 as of yesterday. Life is so different. And it's going to continue to change dramatically this year. I am looking forward to it. I have to say though, the last two years. Damn. I feel so lucky, to be living the life that I live. Yes, despite the constant stressors, life has been pretty great. I got to spend so much time with friends who started out as colleagues, work, make our apartment cozy, save some money (a teeny bit), buy things I wanted, travel home and then again to see S1. How am I able to do all of this? Everyday, I wake up and I look out the window and I do a double take - is this really where I live? For as long as I do, I'm going to cherish it.
Sometimes I want to be an influencer. Except, I don't want to influence anyone. I just want to talk and yap about whatever I want. And maybe interact with other people. Is there nowhere I can do that? Instagram does not seem to be the place for it. Some people use Substack. But umm, I am too non-serious for that.
I am currently between what is called a rock and a hard place. I don't know. What will it be? Anyway, I'm feeling chatty. I'm wearing this new fragrance and the dry down is so pleasing to me right now. I put it on this afternoon and now it's just me in my bed, studying (yes, still), sipping on green tea and basking in this sweetness called Dama Bianca.
It's the next morning now. I'm in the living room, decided to get some studying done before A wakes up. Feeling very negative about the whole studying situation right now. Sigh. Anyway, its very misty and grey outside but I love it. I have our little fireplace heater on, and I'm eating an apple. Looking forward to breakfast. Today is Saturday morning btw. Holidays are finally over, but I am not ready to go back to work. Ah, I am not feeling a lot of zest for life this morning.
Me and A just came back from shopping for a table lamp. Got one, got a lamp table, painting, and shelves as well. Heh. I love buying things for the apartment - no guilt there. I had chicken tenders and a slice of pizza for dinner. Not the healthiest choice. I'm sleepy now.
Time for my favorite part of the day. Green tea and reading in bed. Yum. Alright bye.
