Monday, October 19, 2015

A flickering.

October. This word feels like wood. Or a chunk of chocolate in my mouth. October. Something brown, solid and square like about this word. Like dining tables in big halls.

My two week internship ended today. Bittersweet. I already miss that place. I was just beginnint to feel really comfortable and then it was over. But now I get time to focus on studies. So there's that.

It was chilly last night. And it's chilly this morning. Welcome back winter.

Today is Day 5 of zero caffeine for me. No tea no coffee. Such a struggle. But I need to stop mistreating my body. I wish I didn't have exams coming up.
(Okay so I wrote this in the morning and I had a cup of tea a few hours earlier. Kill me. )
(Okay I wrote this yesterday and had another cup today and now my stomach hurts like anything. Shit.)

I can not function until I attain absolute certainty about some things. Absolute certainty is hard to achieve. I require it, nonetheless. For now, I'm stuck in limbo. Limbo is a bad place to be. But here I am.

I can sometimes visualise life unfolding itself in front of me. I can see how little things are changing and in turn changing me. I'm being churned. That's the word.

Maybe when s2 picks me up we go have breakfast. But what is breakfast without a cup of chaye/coffee?

I sort of like sleeping on the ground. No matress, just a bed spread or a little something and I'm good. Also , silk pj's are yum. You glide everywhere.

I slept early last night so its 8 a.m and I'm up on a Sunday. I looked out the window. People are playing cricket. I can hear them shout and cheer. Cricket on a Sunday morning. I like that kind of thing.

Feeling conflicted about a number of things.

All lessons will be learned eventually. One way or the other. All truths will be realised. Someday.

Helped dad shoo a lizard out of the room. I love helping him with these things. He laughs at my weirdness. That gives me joy. So does lying in my moms lap. She talks and tells exaggerated stories and i say hmm every few minutes. Peace and joy.