Saturday, June 20, 2015

About 15 minutes before iftar, i went out to the lawn to walk for a bit. Took my chappal off and walked on the grass. Green and soft. The sky was an odd indecisive colour. The wind is a detox. Takes the heaviness out of my thoughts. Then azan happened, so I stared at the sky for a bit, and went inside. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015


One should not spend the entire day inside the house. More often than not, it will drive you nuts.
It only makes sense that when your physical self is not functioning as much, your mental self will go into overdrive and think itself into insanity. I'm always afraid of going through this when i come home. It's not that I don't have things to keep busy with. It's just. I need to be physically active for at least some part of the day. Usually, college takes care of that. But i'm on summer break so, there needs to be something else.
My mind feels cluttered. I've been going in circles about certain things in my head. And now i'm sick of it. I'm also sick of looking at screens. My laptop screen. TV screen. Phone screen. Yuck. I don't watch tv, but still. Yuck.
What i'd like to do right now, is to shower, sit outside and let my hair dry in the wind. Except, instead of wind, there are mosquitoes outside who will bite me and disturb my peace.
It's already nine, but it feels like 6. I woke up late. That is the problem. I need to stop waking up late. I'm too old to be doing this shit.

Deep breath.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

A robe of skin and veins.

    I've been meaning to write in here for some time now, but something keeps stopping me. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. Quite the opposite in fact. Maybe that is the reason? Anyway. I asked dad to get me a new pair of glasses. I told him they shouldn't be black. The rest, he could choose for himself. I'm eager to find out what he brings. Also because everything is blurry right now, and I can't see anything. So glasses need to come soon.
I woke up late today, again. Not extremely late, but too late for my liking. Took a shower, had this soupy noodly vegetably broth that mom made for breakfast, and sat with parents for a while. Walked about the house, munched on a cold carrot, and organized my books. Now I'm on my desk. Sipping hot tea. Just finished a mini croissant. I love these mini croissants. Look at me going on and on about food. I love food. What can you do.
I'm actually trying to eat healthier. That's not an easy thing to do when you're home and your mom is freaking out about you losing a little weight. But I'm trying.
Alright, suddenly i feel invincible. Was it the tea? Maybe. Most probably.
I don't know why people are so negative these days. Well maybe they've always been that way. But why? About life, prospects, other people, everything. I wish people would stop saying shit about other people. Tone it down at least. Its so off putting. I also think that we surround ourselves with a lot of shit that blinds us to what's actually real. Our perception of life, is warped. To say the least. We have all these misguided ideas about what we should look like, what gives meaning to life, how our time should be spent, what freedom is, what's normal. We've allowed ourselves to be fed these concepts and everyday we are trying so hard to incorporate them into our lives without really really thinking about what it actually means. Nobody bothers to go deep enough to find out. I want to be more awake.
 s1's laptop wallpaper has this quote on it that says 'May you always do what you are afraid to do'. I'm in love with this. Isn't this the best thing to wish for someone? I think it is.
I'm wearing a lady gaga t shirt. I don't know why it's in my house. Who's is it? Where did it come from? Why am i wearing it? Life's mysterious that way.
I've downloaded a movie called Frequencies. I'm currently watching one called Spirited Away. Home is the only time i get to actually sit down and watch movies. When did life get so busy? Not even busy busy. Just empty busy. I think we all know what empty busy feels like. It's not that great.
Anyway. That's all for now.